Rain on autumn leaves

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My name's Adriana.
I don't exactly have a nickname.
I'm very variable, sensitive , experience one embarassing event every day, and yet surprisingly mature. Heh.
I, along with 186 million other girls in the world, suffer from an inferiority complex.
For me, I like to see the beauty in things.
I like art. But I'm not all obsessed over it. I like the beauty of it.
I have this insane fixation that I will meet my soulmate by chance.
Guess I'm not a big believer in slow development.
I'm in PRCS's Modern Dance, 3/5.
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two papers today. English & Malay.
i did my English in a hurry.
due to past experiences, i knew i had to finish it fast.
in the past, i would write a sentence, fall asleep, awake, write another, and then sleep again.
( but still, surprisingly, i would have enough time to finish it )
so therefore, i had about an hour to go.
i fell asleep and dreamt about something.
i laughed in my sleep.
shocked, i quickly coughed to disguise it.
haha, this is getting weird.

malay was okay. i had a lot of time , surprisingly.
i actually felt that i did quite well today, compared to the other years.
went for Maths sup, then did Colours.
i was with Irfan, doing ground ushering at the tower.
which was a disaster, coz none of us were brave enough to approach the VPs and such.
we just ended up talking to each other all the while.
my knees were hurting so much that they were going to buckle under me any moment.

then Me, Aisyah, Nabila, Irfan, Sibling, and Zaf went to Macs to buka.
after that, i cried because of that stupid Zaf.
you stupid stupid stupid Zaf.
you know what he did to me?
he emo-ed the whole time and made me feel so super guilty.
padahal he was just acting!
there goes my care and concern.
i was so ready to apologise like no one's business if i had to.
i really thought i had offended him.
i don't like people taking advantage of my emotions.
i've had enough of that in my life.
i hate people stepping all over my empathy.
i also hate people playing emotional pranks on me.
i remember that time when Halimah told me that guy took my phone :(
i was freaking out badddd.
i was like, crying.
and then Pavi told me " not to get angry."
i was like.. WHAT THEEEEEEEEE.
i just don't like it when people have fun with feelings and emotions.

and then he continued teasing me about it, and i just cried.
and laughed.
and cried.
at the same time.
but there was something different in my laugh this time, i realized.
it sounded more.. hollow.
weird.
i've cried and laughed at the same time many times before, but this time was different.

in the bus, i felt like crying again. dno why.
went home, no one at home.
forgot about that.
no keys.
phone bat flat.
at first i just sat in front on my house, reading Eclipse.
but i kinda got freaked out and lonely, because the light kept flicking on and off.
so i went down and sat down there instead.
Kak Ain saw me and invited me to her house.
Areeqa has grown alot.
it's only been a year since i saw her in her mother's tummy.
now she's all "big" and can walk on her own.
she's a smart kid.

so, i was at home at 9.
wow, last time i went home at this time was...?
i don't know.
hahahs!

Labels: you're still not forgiven, zaf