Rain on autumn leaves

I was feeling lonely, feeling blue

Feeling like I needed you

aloha!

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adriana a. © 2009

There's not a good poet I know who has not at the beck and call of his memory a vast quantity of poetry that composes his mental library.
-Anthony Hecht

Been having a really, really horrible past 2 weeks.

I bought a new tie because I didn't bring mine, and on that day, I also lost my badge. My badge. I feel so lost and empty without it. Daniel says that there's an extra one in the Councillor Room.

After that, I thought I forgot to bring my maths, and ended up copying it onto paper and onto the worksheet which was happily sitting in my file. Kudos to me.

Mum kept screaming at me today. Wants me to pray. I don't have a problem with praying. It's just that these days been rather busy, and I always prefer to pray when I really want to. I believe there's no point if not.

And so she says that her mum used to cane her if she didn't pray, and that she is being very lenient to us already, because Nabi Muhammad said that parents are to hit children when they do not want to pray.

Which I derive two points. 1) Childhood memories from the past being re-enacted.

2) I do have a thing against hitting, but actually, it really IS the only way children listen.

Hitting -> Fear. Fear -> Distance. Which leads to point number 1.

Circle of life, no? Although, I am not one to question the teachings. I am merely expressing the thoughts in my head.

Somehow, I cried and cried when I prayed in those two times. Not because I was 'forced' to do it, but more because she kept screaming at me.

Oh, and I delayed a little, and got a scolding, along the words of " You have two older sisters, I know all the tricks."

I wasn't even tricking her! I wanted to pray, for goodness sake! Sheesh. Really. If this is the 'reward' you get for willingly praying, I have nothing to say.

I guess I'm used to it. Perhaps you may say this is merely teen angst, but I think adults just use that as an excuse from running away from their childhood.

The mouth is the cause of it all. Silence is the key. Just keep silent and all will be well.

I love Allah because I can show Him my tears and not feel ashamed to have someone see them.