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 adriana a. © 2009 There's not a good poet I know who has not at the beck and call of his memory a vast quantity of poetry that composes his mental library. -Anthony Hecht |
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 My name's Adriana. I don't exactly have a nickname. I'm very variable, sensitive , experience one embarassing event every day, and yet surprisingly mature. Heh. I, along with 186 million other girls in the world, suffer from an inferiority complex. For me, I like to see the beauty in things. I like art. But I'm not all obsessed over it. I like the beauty of it. I have this insane fixation that I will meet my soulmate by chance. Guess I'm not a big believer in slow development. I'm in PRCS's Modern Dance, 3/5. Profiles: Facebook | friendster | |
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eemah pavi li atiqah aisyah elly |
hidayat hidayat2 hizan atiyya maliah nadia |
tracy wei chuen zaf priya sally |
qinny mus atin isabel nabila natasha |
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memories
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Saturday, March 14, 2009 @ 3/14/2009 07:23:00 PM
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Friday: Long story short. Didn't exactly have a great day. It started off horrible with people screaming at me WHEN YOU YOURSELF RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME. DON'T THINK YOU'RE SO MIGHTY, RELATIONSHIPS WORK BOTH WAYS, REMEMBER THAT. Our class didn't win anything ( it's okay) . When we went back to class I was just silent. Amadeus was asking me something but I just kept quiet. He actually said "Wah Adriana never say anything damn scary sia." In my mind I was like, " Really? That's interesting." Wasn't in the mood so nobody pushed me. Ms Huang was like Adriana you okay? As always it's replied with a 'I'm fine'. Then we met up with Qin Han and performed for him in the middle of nowhere in the school and people were staring at us but we didn't care. Then Avril started crying and I cried too, and everybody cried. You should have seen him, you would've cried too. So basically I walked around the school with a tear running down my face, but I didn't really care, somehow I felt no shame in crying in public. Talked with Irfan and Fatin. Funny how nobody notices anything, only Maliah and Nadia did. With my back turned another tear fell. I think Shahril saw it. Coz after that he gave me a slice of pizza. Way to go, thanks, I needed that. I did. I really did. Cross Country pretty much sucked. Ren Jie slapped me across the face. Worse thing is that I didn't hit him back like a normal person would. I laughed. I freaking laughed. Then I just kept quiet and gave him the stare and eventually he stopped it, saying I looked so scary. Well, I'm glad you find it scary. YOU BETTER. I don't tolerate people who hit girls even if they claim " Alah, for fun jeeee." It's seriously Go Die Can. Have more respect and maybe you'll get far in life. Saturday Sec 4 PTM was okay. Tiring but okay. Smiling is tiring. Especially when you don't feel happy. It's really tiring. " Hello, good morning." *insert fake smile* I'm really good at it though. Maybe I can be an airstewardess! Hahahaha! Smile, smile, smile. Smile, laugh, hide, cry. Was a bit late for tuition, but Mr Fernandez didn't mind. I was in uniform so I think he understood. Tuition is fun with all the guys coz they're always joking around, and Mr.Sunshine is always all-knowing. He's a walking encyclopedia! Serious. He knows a perfect battle strategy for Singapore and Malaysia. Weird, i know. But it's kinda awesome at times. Then when he starts with a 'ANYWAY..' We'll all go OH NOOO... Hahahaha! Bought popiah and went home. It was raining heavily. Thunder roared and lightning struck in a sudden. The little girl screamed and clung on to her mother. I turned and looked in disbelief. A sudden pang of pain. Why am I not afraid of it? Why am I not afraid of anything anymore? Why don't I feel anything anymore?! I want to be that innocent again. I want to view this world in that same manner I did before. I want to believe that all goes well in the end again. Now I look back at my life and I realise my childhood was stolen from me long before. By the age of 9 I was so different from the rest. I didn't see much of a point to run around anymore. I saw this world as it was. Cruel, selfish, ignorant. My incomplete childhood. Now I'm just so deprived. Even now I feel so different. I look at others and think, Why can't I do that? Why can't I be as free as them? WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY! Why... Now here I am trying to push, trying to make it all better for myself, but I'm tired. I'm tired, really. It feels like there was something that was supposed to be in my life when I was young but it just isn't. That's why I feel so different. I felt like some maniac laughing in the rain, smiling at the sound of thunder. ------------------------------ And still there is not one who knows me best. Sometimes you just seem like the rest. I need someone who knows me inside out, and not just let me blend with the crowd. Lift me up, I have no strength. Sometimes I still feel so alone, even if there's someone right beside me. That's why I say 'I need alone time', because I don't want pressure, to provide you with chatter. I just want to stare at the sky, watch the clouds go by. For even if I cry, time merely ticks by. I guess it's true, Adriana, only me and only you, know ourselves the best, just forget about the rest. |