Rain on autumn leaves

Well,there was pasar malam today.

So me and my mum went. I saw this stall with all the carved masks and gendangs and baju kebaya and everything and I went nuts. I wanted to touch it so badly.
But of course, everyone just dismisses my interest in something.
Which really sucks. Really really sucks.

Bought food. Got scolded by mum for eating while walking.

Mum : "Can you wait till we get home to eat that? Anak sedara tau."
Me : Silently puts away the tempting cheesy hotdog.

This my is my mum for you. She's a firm believer in old-fashioned girls.
Basically the 'we're alive merely to feed our husbands and rub their feet. we are highly dependent on their salary.' kinda of life.

Sit properly, back straight. Watch your mouth talk when needed.Yes, that's how I'm brought up. Haha.

And that is probably why I'm bent on being independent. I don't want to owe anybody my life. I don't want to have to comply with whatever someone says. I don't want to be dependent on somebody all my life.

But this has taught me something I don't want to take to heart. Love is not about falling at first sight. Arranged marriages are possible. Because marriage is just feeding each other and learning to live with each other. But I'm just not that sort of person. I want to believe. I'm still young and I want to believe. I want to believe that love is more than just compromise. I want to still believe that love is something that just happens, not cultivated.

I'm childish, I know. But this is what you get when you get someone like me who enjoys art. Imagination goes haywire.

I have no poem today because these are my raw thoughts. Raw thoughts that most probably will not rhyme. Besides, my brain's tired today.

Earth Hour was okay. I missed candles. I accidentally burnt my thumb though. Just wanted to see how hot it was. Hehe. Painted in candlelight. It's awesome, but I was deceived by the colour. Haha!
I wrote a mini poem at the side:

And so the rose,
fades away,
come and gone,
till another day.

But in my heart,
it will stay,
forever bright,
as it is today.

I must say I'm proud of what I did today. It looks kinda nice. Haha!

I've realized,
that competition isn't the way,
what's the point of winning that prize,
if the feeling does not stay?

I don't need to beat you at anything,
I'm already on my way,
to winning.

Even though I say all of this,
I don't really feel convinced.

You're still like a shining star,
one that's oh-so far.
I cannot compete with you,
so that's what I'll not do.

Maybe it's better this way,
us drifting away.
Because your presence stifles me,
so much so that I cannot breathe.

When I'm with you,
I'm overlooked,
even more,
than I could and should.

There's only so much I can take,
from you,
Your words and actions are no piece of cake,
it's true.

I won't tell you that you've done me wrong,
I'll just watch and see,
Just how long,
You'll be without me.

If it's eternity,
I won't mind.
Because it's up to you,
really.

Labels: i want to believe