[ undisturbed calamity ]

2010-07-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

HELLUUUUUUU!!!!! I, KHIRUL RIFAI WITH THE AWESOMENESS OF MY POWER HAS BROUGHT ADRIANA'S BLOG BACK TO LIFEEEEE! xD
:) by right, the happy little girl should be in bed snugly tucked under her blanket sleeping because she has tuition tomorrow at 9. but i highly doubt she's even in bed right now cause she just texted me xD so, sayang, if you're reading this, you know that i know that you know that i want to give you a hug so badly and kiss you goodnight! ^^ so, GOODNIGHT! :D

2010-04-22T23:09:00.001+08:00

SS was uh, hopeless. Planned on studying, but as usual, I did not. Shit, I seriously need to get studying. Right. PE was ohkay. did 5-2 stations. My jumping-thingy sucked. I suck at it. I got ard 150-160 ish? Zarifah was so afraid of failing, but she couldn’t find the willpower to just jump over the bloody 142 marking. Sooo, what did I do? I took her phone and placed it there. While Pavi was freaking out, and telling me NO, I just watched calmly. She jumped to 155. See? She could do it. She just kept telling herself she couldn’t. ^^. Did 33 sit ups. Lousy shit. What happened to my 50? 13 for pull ups. Suckish.

SS retest was. Uhh. Why bother taking a retest when YOU DID NOT EVEN STUDY. -.- “Roll Call” by President was uh.. He reminded me of a leader of a terrorist organization. I don’t know why. Hand actions maybe.

Lit was boring. MT was pointless. Lunch was much more amazing. Physics was ohkay. Maths extra lesson was… boring. Why is everything boring? Even free periods are boring. Only PE’s not boring.

Righhht. And something happened after Maths that caught me completely off guard. It was sweet, really. Just totally unexpected and utterly crazy, because everyone was there. Ohkay. After recovering from that huge SHOCK, went home with Fel and Pavi.

Oh, and I kissed Tracy outside detention room. Mr Choo will probably tease me about that tomorrow. Yeah, whatever. I show my affection. I’m bi! Nahhhh. I just love my Tracy Baby. Speaking of that, I have to get the cake with her tomorrow. But I have meeting at 2.15, how?

HOW??!!! I want my Tracyyyyyyyyyy. *sulks*

I guess I’m just not ready.

2010-04-10T13:22:00.002+08:00

FINE. what the fuck! urgh.

It's not about the bloody popularity. What is wrong with you?!!!?!

And no, I don't give a fuck about "popularity".

Yeah my grades are like shit. Yay me.

Yup. Lock me up at home. I'm better here.

Go out money, stay at home money. Fine. Why am I existing? Sheesh.

I bet you'll save a fortune.

Geez. Take this away from me. That's what you want right? Fine.

Go and personally make me quit the Council Board.

Right now I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

Lock me up and program me to study.

Right now I feel like disappearing off the face of the Earth.

Take every inch of happiness.

And I'll return to what I once was.

I don't wanna go there again but it looks like I have no choice.

I can feel darkness approaching as I speak.

2010-03-28T01:39:00.001+08:00

So sad. But true.
"Spend a lot of time with the ocean. Because the ocean forces you to dream. And I insist my girl becomes a dreamer."

2010-03-25T21:02:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I can handle it.
I don't know if I can handle people judging me.
I'm really scared. Afraid.
Tired. Messed up.
I don't know what to do.

2010-03-23T20:31:00.002+08:00

Hello. I couldn't sleep last night.

So I cried for 30 mins just so I'd feel tired.

That's my talent from young.

I can cry for ages xD

Woke up. Didn't feel so good.

Did flag, aisyah say why suddenly shoot up?

I didn't quite care really. No mood.

Zaf took one look at me and immediately said "Sal?"

Haha. 3 months can change everything huh?

Upper Sec had to stay back for reading?

This is what happened when we finished.

Joseph : *suddenly realizing that he's sitting next to me* EHHH! MALAY! (:

Me: Yes, hi, Joseph (: *pats head*

Joseph: (:

Haha, very cute.

Chem was like uh -.-

She gave us a test.

We're like WTH?

She says we must do independent learning.

Yeah right, we will.

Gosh! Just teach us! Please. Gahhhh.

Ben was like, "Wake me up when you're done."

I gave him the "Do I look like I know anything?" face.

Maths was okay.

We cut straws. LOL.

Ms Ong: Kay class, get into pairs. Move your tables.

Me: *thinking, shud i pair with benedict?*

Ben: ADRIANA! Come here, come here (: !

Me: o.O?

Then me, Ben, Benedict, Sandra crapped alot. Haha.

We were like, so cool sit together. Like primary sch all over again!

Suddenly Ben like moodswing -.-

Happy sad angry >.>

So who's the victim?

Me lah duh ._.

He say my triangle ugly. Sobsssss.....

Spent my recess with Aisyah.

Feels weird now.

Takes some getting used to.

Ohwell...

Eng was spent crapping too.

I made my ugly triangle into a heart.

Me: *shows it to Sandra*

Sandra: Awwww!

Khirul : Eww, what's that? Your heart is so cheap! And so -

Me: :( shuddap!

Me: *gives Jolina the heart* this is my heart. it's not perfect but it's all I have.

Jolina: I don't accept! *tears the heart* OUCH!

Me: O.O?

Jolina: The stapler bullet hurt me :(

Me: That's whatcha get for breaking my heart!

Sandra: What is love?

Benedict : Sex.

Everyone : O.O?

Me: Jolina, what is love?

Jo: Love is uhhh. feelings.. and uhhh. affection!

Benedict : ASK ME ASK ME!

Me: Okaaaay, benedict, what's love?

Benedict : FOOD!

Me: -.-! Ben you sleeping?

*Ben nods*

Me: Ben what is love?

Ben: *silence*

Jo: He sleeping la!

Me: Ben you sleeping?

*Ben nods*

-.-!!!!!!!!

Phy was okay.

PC was uh, crap.

We got lectured.

But we made it funny, haha!

Went 7/11 with Syah to eat.

Saw all the 1/8 boys.

Tsk tsk tsk.

Haha!

Dance was uh...

Pointless, I swear.

But i got 2 kisses from TracyBaby! 1 from Marisssaaaaa! 1 from Grace! 1 from VanessaLS!

Weeheeee!~ Happy happy.

Kisses make me happy, i dno why. Haha!

Okay, that's my day.

Oh, and Ben smiles like a puppy. HAHHAHA! Random thought I swear.

I realized why I felt so horrible today.

My head kept spinning.

Which is bad. Bad bad bad.

Need to sleep more.

But I can't seem to.

( I don't want to dream of you. I should just let this go. Simple as that. It feels like I'm going to. Slowly......)

I regret it now.

I really regret it.

Imagine, if I didn't go with you, my life would have taken a whole new path.

What's done is done.

---

I feel like crap today.

I feel so used, I feel so down, I feel so insecure, I feel like crap!

I'm crumbling inside.

I hate myself.

I need others to tell me things I want to hear.

I can't seem to muster any amount of self-confidence.

Fucked up. Haiz.

Ultimate low. Urgh.

Face it.

You feel like crap.

They make you feel like crap.

People keep reminding you that you are crap.

God, save me. Haiz.

2010-03-19T21:41:00.002+08:00

I had 4 dreams today. You were, once again, in two.

That totals 5 dreams of you. Get out of my head, and my life if you don't plan on staying. Please?

2010-03-18T22:38:00.003+08:00

I'm so confused.

70% of me is telling me to just forget it.

It's worthless, it has no future, it's never gonna happen.

But that 30% of me is saying, what about my feelings?

Do they count for nothing?

I should just let this go but somehow I can't.

Because I would never know what could have been.

That really sucks.

Sheesh, move on dammit.

And I had a perfect chance to.

But I ignored it.

2010-03-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

Okay, hey!

So, I decided i'm gonna use this one for personal stuff and the other for images and stuff that I wanna reblog that show what I'm feeling right now, alright?

For tumblr here's the link :http://adrianamiaow.tumblr.com/

So, Mummy had a an operation, so she can't do much for 7 days.

Means me has to do the housework.

Daddy cooks, I can't cook for nuts.

Not now anyway.

I keep delaying it, saying Nuuuuu! I'm not getting married yet! Later Later!

Heh, still got an A1 for Home Ec tho.

I'm pretty tired and it's only the 2nd day.

Jiayou, Adriana!

Today was the leadership thingy.

It was fine, it was fun coz of the people.

We took pics ! Credit to Dayat.

Weeeeeeeee!~

Oh oh oh oh, and I got my comp back, so happy.

I think it's coz I pissed Daddy off.

1) I hog his main comp. He can't play his game!

2) I hog his laptop.

3) I accidentally caused his bill to be 400 bucks while facebooking on his phone. It was on wi-fi I swear!

Hehe, extreme measures.

-----

I may not be in love with you, but I love you, and that's for sure.

2010-03-14T18:13:00.002+08:00

Hello! Now I have both Tumblr and Blogger.

Yes, I know, I have to choose -.-

But Tumblr is so no privacy. Lol.

Anyway, what's the link, you ask?

Find it yourself on this page!

http://adrianamiaow.tumblr.co m/

I’m dying for your kiss
I never wanna miss
Deo mangseolijima
Nae ipsooleul gajyeoga
(2NE1)

Baby boy
Wae hangsang halmali geuli mana
dapdaphan Baby boy
Saranghanda gobaek halgeon ara
I’m not a baby girl
Ni saenggakboda noonchiga nan bballa
Uri maeil hangsang jaejalireul dolla
Dodaechae neon wae nal geureokhaedo molla

Sarangeun dangerous
Ni noonbicheun neomu poisonous
Jigeum heundeullineun two of us
Hajiman we just feel so good

Sarangeun dangerous
Ni ipsooleun neomu poisonous
Jigeum heundeullineun two of us
We dangerous
In danger danger danger danger

2010-03-13T11:44:00.001+08:00

Dara! I love this vid, and I love the actor anyway. Haha!

It's just that our class needed it a whole lot more than yours did.

2010-03-12T23:13:00.003+08:00

We kinda bonded more tho. Lol.

We tied Samuel up, hahahha! With the ribbons.

Me: Woooh ohhhh! x2

Samuel : Shuddap lah!

Me : *pouts*

Samuel: xDDDD

Me: xDDD!

Us: Ehhhh! If they good we give them O M G !

Then suddenly 1/3 came out and their moves were so totally....

O M G !

Me: Nickson! I'm not scared! Okay, dun be scared!

Nickson : Looks like you're the one, not me.

Me : -.-

Me: Benedict, I'm not scared!

Benedict : *slowly points middle finger*

Me: -.- ! *gives thumbs up*

Benedict: *gives stupid face*

Me: *thumbs up with smile*

Benedict: Kay fine fine *thumbs up with smile*

LOL.

I nowadays teach him manners. He very good improvement.

Now he can say PLEASE.

Very good!

I was tying the ribbon in Pavi's hair. Then she go use it as a choker.

Khirul: What are you doing?!!

Khirul: First she ties her hair, now she wants to kill herself?!

Pavi: xDDD!

Had fun playing with 3/4's hoodie. So tempting you know.

Makes you wanna grab it.... And pull it over their heads!

Overall very fun lah...

But sad.

-----------

I dreamt of you, again.
But this time... It was closer to dawn.
And you know what I think about dreams at the wake of dawn?
They more often than not come true.

Confused. Very very. Just stop appearing in my dreams please.

I don't like waking with that grin on my face.

Reminding me that I'm still thinking of you.

I'm just gonna live in denial.

Dreams are but mere parts of your subconscious wants/needs/fears.

Nothing more. Nothing more.

2010-03-12T20:42:00.002+08:00

Hey, here's a thought. SHUT UP.

Lol, bad day.

Cross Country was. Uh -.-

I ran around making the marshals encourage us. LOL.

"EY WHY NEVER ENCOURAGE US?!"

Very funny responses (:

Didn't feel like going all out, so ran with Liyana Jobie, Roxanne.

Finished ard 30ish?

Mrs Sheri "congratulated/encouraged" me. Kinda shocked.

Anw, when we finished Jobie started collapsing on me.

Suddenly Priya fell to the ground.

At least Liyana was there. I can't handle two weak people , I'm not even SJAB :/

So brought Jobie to take her meds, better after that.

Everything over, me and Liyana realized we haven't drank any water since finished running.

Went to drink the diluted 100 Plus.

Bored sitting down, so we starting singing. Haha.

Soooo fun.

Finally we were released, I was getting sleepy.

Went Fish & Co with Pending, Tiffany C. and this-other-girl forgot her name.

We met there and they sat with us.

Yaaaaayyy, I love fish. Lol.

Okay okay, then me and Pending did what only awesome people do.

BATHE IN SCHOOL.

THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE. READ IT AGAIN IF YOU MUST.

Super cool, no one pestering you to hurry, and we smelled awesome. LOLS.

As a result we were super early.

I was the first to arrive for practice.

People started streaming in like, 15 mins late? Wtv lah.

Cheer was okay. We were awesome.

Even my junior said we were awesome. That's comfort enough for me.

And the ribbons were really fun to play with.

We had a heck fun of a time.

Oh oh oh, and 3/5, 3/6, and 3/8 team up ^^

Hearts! The most awesome part in the hall.

Heh, I'm mean. Forgive me. Zaf influence.

But I can't help it man.

3/4's was good. So was 3/8's.

Well. Whatever.

---

Another dream.

Please, get out of my head?

I want to forget you.

What's the point of remembering you?

It's not like this is going anywhere.

Maybe it could, but it's not.

---

I failed my Maths. How? But the rest all As and Bs.

Haiz. I don't know.

I can only comfort Aisyah.

But I don't know what to do about myself.

I can make her laugh but I feel so sad inside.

I mean, same case.

But mine didn't start in Sec school.

It started from small.

It finally reached the peak point when my own parents felt that way too.

That was in P6.

Collection of aggregate.

I still remember the look on Daddy's face. And his exact words.

But I didn't wanna talk abt it.

Just concentrated on making her laugh.

Hey, if I can't smile, it doesn't hurt to make someone else smile.

---

Capacity. Mummy, I had no idea how much my name reflected me until yesterday night.

I realized that.. No matter how much you throw at me, somehow I find a way to pull it in and hide in deep inside.

2010-03-11T21:41:00.003+08:00

I didn't know what to feel today.

Caught in between.

I can't, don't, know which side to choose.

All I know is that class cheer is tomorrow and we HAVE to get our act together.

Like I was saying with Fel and Nasha,

I love and hate 3/5.

We are awesome, we've got the best talents,

but we have such a huge attitude problem.

Not just one or two of us.

All of us.

And we have to pull through.

That's all I know.

We have to accept each other's flaws.

Acceptance, peace. Where's the humanity?

Haiz. Come on guys.

2010-03-10T19:33:00.003+08:00

HAPPY B'DAE DAYAT!

Okay okay, so I'm writing this here coz he wrote quite a long msg for my bdae last year.

Reminds me, I feel so young ._.

Zaf and Dayat are so old nowwwwww.

I still have like, 6 months to go? Boooo.

ANYWAY!

Thanks for everything you've done for me.

Remember that pic? I think it was Sec 1, and Sally drew it.

Does quite look like you.

Had quite a good laugh. Haha!

I still remember when you and Zaf team up, and made me cry. Unintentionally.

I presume. Lol.

Yes yes yes, you were my dearest Sibling.

We'd walk around and people think we were twins. Awesome or what?

Remember when we fooled Kak Maliah and Kak Nadia?

I think Sec 1 with you was awesome.

Oh oh, I remember you did splits with me while hanging out with Qayyum.

Haha, hilarious!

And and , we went to Kak AN's house and Qayyum merajuk coz no one invited him along? Haha!

And and and, Raya!

Went to your house and your dad took a pic of us to compare!

How the hell did I remember so much?

Haha!

But we kinda drifted away in Sec 2.

I guess coz you had your own friends and so did I.

Oh oh, but I still remember Investiture tho.

Me and my nerves.

As always.

Kinda glad I got paired with you tho.

Me nerves. Lol.

Okay okay, here's the part I HATE to admit.

You save me from my idiotic moments ._.

Don't make me list them for your own amusement. Zzz.

End of Sec 2 was a little awkward.

I still don't know if what I did was right.

Sometimes I do regret it.

Even now.

But Sibling or not, thanks for being in my life.

Saranghae! ♥

----------

Khairul , it's the last straw dammit.

I didn't cry because of what you did.

I cried because YOU DID IT.

After everything, I thought you'd at least appreciate my friendship?

Heh. Like I suspected. YOU DON'T.

Sure. Keep acting like nothing happened.

----------

Thank god Mummy didn't notice anything.

If not it'll be like P6 all over again.

I'll probably be sent to a shrink this time.

----------

Funny how people can tell with one look at my face that I'm crying.

I don't believe it -.-

Naz: Hey you ok?

Me: uh yeah.

Naz: What class are you in anw? (random question, then again, him asking me if i'm fine IS random)

Hizan walking with Johann.

Hizan: EH! ADRIANA!

Me: ?

Hizan: *one look* alamak, kk, nth nth, dun disturb.

Nasha was trying to help me, but he wasn't.

Haha.

Hey bffffffff, here's a tip.

I don't like people asking me what's wrong.

Or keep reminding me abt it.

I just need them to sit there with me or give me a hug.

Thanks anw, ♥

2010-03-07T14:32:00.003+08:00

I'm doing fine. I guess I want some people to hear it and some people to just shut up about it.
Realize I kinda need that annoying little twerp of an Aisyah to hear it.
Because she'll just be all insensitive and shrug it off, which is what I need to do.
Nah, I'm not gonna think abt it much.

I completed my comfort ritual : Chips, Romance novels, Bed, and Dreams.
And I'm pretty much a-ok now (:

I feel kinda inspired to write a novel.
Okay okay, do I have the time? No.
Do I even have my own comp now to type everything out? No.
BUT! I want to. Haha.

Awwwww, that's so bloody sweet. Never expected it from someone like that.
Guess we can't judge people.

2010-03-06T20:30:00.004+08:00

My feelings for you.
I'm finally going to let them go.
For if I get them back,
(which i most probably will)
they'll lead me straight to you.

So right now,
to save my heart,
I'm going to ignore them,
lest they tear me apart.

So have your fun,
enjoy the ride,
coz I won't be thinking of you,
but in time I might.

-----
I had a dream today.
I saw this pretty woman, with hair past her shoulders.
We were in this field filled with flowers, the sunlight shining on her.
She turned and I got a shock.
Somehow my soul told me that I was her.
But she looked so different, so beautiful.
She smiled down at her tummy, and I saw the joy on her face.
Then she said with a voice like honey, "Hey baby boy."
Warmth spread over my soul, but I woke up.
Because it's a dream i'm not supposed to have.

2010-03-05T20:32:00.002+08:00

Lol. A really horrible day. My heart just practically tore out of my chest. I'm feeling so useless, so stupid, just not good enough. I'm at my lowest point. Really. I'm overcome by self pity. I can't do anything right. I'm downright useless, and no, I can't dance. Now I doubt I'm gonna to TQ or investiture. I can't sing. I'm stupid, I don't take A maths, but I still can't do E maths, mum. Yes, I'm a bloody disappointment. Yes mrs sheri, I don't listen to instructions and "can't cope". Yes, mrs lim, I'm not a good enough dancer for the stupid speech day. Yes, I can't compare to my sisters or those other dancers. Yes, go ahead and play with my feelings. They're all yours. Yes, I suck. Happy.
Yes, I know you're really happy about being chosen. I'm glad for you. You just didn't seem to remember I was there. Thanks a lot.
Yes, I just lost my best friend. Yes, I have a non existent love life. Yes, I am such a easy person to hurt. Yes, people take advantage of me. Yes, I'm crying inside. Yes, I'm not very pretty. Yes, I'm not very athletic either. Yes, my life is in a mess. Yes, i'm hopeless. Yes, I'm kinda running out of things to say.

2010-03-04T18:57:00.005+08:00

~~Sometimes I wish you'd stop doing this.~~Stop playing with my feelings.
Because someday, I'll lose them.
And somehow I don't want to.
And it sucks.
I was so confused today.
But somehow I wasn't, after a while.
I guess all I need is to know if you still have those feelings for me.

~~If not...., let me know. So I can save myself all this pain.~~

~~Social studies. Common test : 35/50.~~

~~Class test : 21/25~~

~~PoA common test : 19.5/35~~

~~English common test : 20/25~~

~~I should be really glad right?~~

~~But I'm not.~~

~~Ah, hell.~~

2010-03-03T21:05:00.005+08:00

Today was fun, really. Haha.
Dragged myself outta bed.
Took bus.
Met Fel and Clarissa. They were going Bugis.
Met my juniors, too.
Dropped off.
Walked across.
Took out my shades.
Seriously, it was hot!
Walked walked, found 210 after 5 mins.
Went up.
Stopped. Took off shades.
Ring bell.

Crapped with Grace, Liyana, Priya, and Roxanne.
Damn funny. Liyana was all over my shades.
She kept wearing them and we pretended she was a rockstar.
She had so much fun I swear.
Lalalalalala!~
After like, 2 hours,
me Roxanne and Priya went to eat at Fish & Co.
Because I was craving it.
Hehe.

Soooooo. Ate. Roxanne finally got addicted to fast food.
Then Karkheng and Yihuai came.
Then Zaf, Samuel, Benedict, Amanda, Sherwyn, etc came.
Benedict: I RACIST!
Me : Hello to you too Benedict.

(I swear, he got limited vocab. Everytime see me say same thing. But when he sit down suddenly his vocab change. Once, again, weird. Just like Ben.)

Before I went off, talked to Zaf abt the class tee.
I was going to see Atiqah abt it.
His whole face changed. Lol.
While I'm talking to him, I'm standing behind Benedict. He so kpo.
Me : Eh the logo smth wrong.
Zaf: O.O?!!!!
Benedict : Huh? What? Why? What happen? Why the thing liddat?
Me : SHUDDAP LAH BENEDICT.

Walked all the way to WS in a record timing of uhhh. 7 mins-ish?
Wearing my shades of course. Hot giler bab.
Also, people keep looking at me, so I feel good hiding behind them.
Reached, I think she didn't recognize me for a moment.
Talked, walked to her house, main2 with her adik2, her grandma was there too.
Sat down for a while.
PUT PLASTER FOR MY BLISTERRRRR.

Atiqah: Ouch man.
Me: Yeah. Always happens.
Atiqah: Didnt you learn from that?
Me: Yeah. But I like these shoes.
Atiqah: -.-!!!!!!!!

Hahahaha. But really la. I like whaaaat. I don't mind getting hurt. Lol.
Coz they were platform-ish.

Her house is nice.
Man, I love houses with awesome interior design.
Zzzzz. Jealous.

Walked to the bus-stop with my shades again.
Hide from people staring at me. I dno, maybe I'm paranoid.

Take bus (i fell asleep on the guy next to me's shoulder. Happens a lot. I dno why. It's a stupid habit I've had since young. Although it's very funny to see the guy's expression when I wake up. Lol!) , top up my card, took bus to Compass Point.
People staring at me in the bus.
This time I'm not paranoid. Zzzzzz.
Borrowed 3 books (insert Atiqah's : You're going to the LIBRARY?!!)
Took bus back. Got so many seats this old uncle choose to sit next to me.
Great. Cheekopek.
And here I am at home.

Get the heck out of my head.
My hands are shaking.
Nashaaaaa what do i doooooo.
Ah, hell........

-------------------
My hands are shaking,
I'm about to cry.
Why?
Because of a bloody stupid reason.
-------------------
I should have never done that.
Now I'm in so much pain.
Crap.
Like, what was I expecting?
But shit, Nasha, you're right.
I'll still end up doing that.
And it's STUPID!
This is stupid!
Whyyyy did I have to do that?? Now I'm in this predicament.

2010-03-02T22:16:00.002+08:00

Morning, I had to do flag-raising.

I was like wth. Lol.

I know people will die to do flag.

I'm not that interested, really.

Me: OMG ZAF YOU AGAIN -.- SO sick of seeing your face.

Zaf : I'm sorry, what can I do abt it?

Zaf: *turns to Jaga* Can you like change my face? She dun like it.

Me : *laughs like crap*

Reading was abt some pengantin thingy.

Made me laugh, lol.

Chem. Went to comp lab.

Went facebook, chatted with Nasha.

Talk abt our probs. *inserts a sigh*

I got 14/25 for Chem, which is not bad. Zaf got tutored by Khai and he got the same.

See??? Lol.

SS sucked. Like really. The test was okay, I finished it, but she says she'll take out 3 questions at the back to make it fair?? WTH??? THE QUESTIONS AT THE BACK MAY SAVE MY LIFE. WOMAN! haiz.

Fire drill. Dun wanna talk about it. It was stupid. Felt so weak after that.

MT, test, survey. She said no sleeping, she said smth along the lines of, makan makan then kenyang happily tidur in her class. Me and zaf were like, wow, WE'RE STARVING HERE.

Physics was okay. I got like 80+ for all my Physics tests. Happy much? Haha.

LUNCH! OMG! YAY! Me and Zaf were having gastric already.

Pavi was asking me, HOW THE HECK can you stand it?

I said, how do the people in Chile stand it?

Eat eat eat, no time to revise!

PoA common test sucked. I didn't get to finish it, haiz.

So sad! Hope I still get an A?

Brief about Camp.

Wait for Tracy, went for Dance.

Okay, so the song is cool, and weird, haha, coz it's for Drama.

But the moves are cool. I was in front, so she corrected me a number of times.

I kept turning on my left foot, it's a reflex.

Had to turn with right. Uncomfortable.

But I'm looking forward to it.

Hope I'm selected on Friday (:

Another dream of you.

Similar, but different.

I've got to keep you out from my dreams.

Why do you keep appearing? It's annoying...

But yet I want you to,

Dammit, it's just really messed up.

ARGH!

2010-03-01T19:06:00.004+08:00

Stressful morning.

Was sitting outside class when Felicia said "SHIT WHO GOT CURVE RULER FOR TEST?!"

And the grogginess just snapped in my head.

I was like, WTH THERE'S A FREAKING TEST TODAY??!!!

So there I was freaking out, until Mr Choo scolded me for freaking out too much. Haha!

He say I'm so full of "action".

Who wouldn't be?!?!!!

So throughout the caning the only thing I could think of was : CURVE RULER!!!!!

Anyway they didn't look like they were in pain.

I swear I saw Karkheng running around like a mad monkey after school.

With TP behind him, of course.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN to 3/4 to get curve rulers.

End up lots of people didn't bring from my class -.-

Test was okay, do-able.

Eng was uhhh. -.-

I had to read my pairwork with Benedict.

Seriously, Benedict's work is uhhhh.

LOL.

Whole class argue over our points.

We were just standing there~

Me: Eh Benedict my leg pain liao stand so long -.-

Benedict : SHE SHOULD JUST LET US SIT! FUCK!

(Benedict's fav word is Fuck. and You. Don't even ask.)

MT: Had to do this survey thingy thingy. I could actually comprehend most of the stuff in it, lol.

How the hell did Mr Ridzwan remember my name?

Oh I forgot. I am like, the most memorable person in Oral. He can still remember me from Sec 1.

Must have left an impact.

Recess : Don't wanna talk about it.

Thiva punch me in the shoulder. Didn't hurt really. Call yourself NCC. Hahahhaha!

Apparently I called Quan Wei a sucker? He can still remember? LOL.

Lit: Borinnnnng. We went through the example essays. I would rather go through the book!

Ben made me remember his bdae. 7 AUGUST! Sandra's is 14 AUGUST!

Assembly was quite fun. Haha. Especially when the people sitting around you are Zaf, Ijan, Johann, Nasha, Atiqah, and Imah. It gets wacky.

Cheer practice was... hmm.. Let's not talk about it.

Ate with Pavi and Fel and Syah, walked to bus-stop with Grace and -PENDING- (syah)

walked with Grace.

walk pass these group of guys.

one of them was singing "Favourite girl " by JB.

Guy: My favorite, my favorite, my favorite, my

Favorite girl, my favorite girl.

Me and Grace walk past.

Guy : It's you! It's YOU!

He shouted the you and I was laughing to myself.

Grace didn't even hear a single thing. Hahhahaa!

OH OH OH! GUESS WHAT. I GOT 15/25 FOR LIT. WHICH IS GOOD BY JH'S STANDARDS!

She said if you get a 15, 16 or 17, you're considered good in her books. Happyyyy~

AND AND AND! I GOT 18.5 OVER 24 FOR POA! IS THAT AWESOME OR WHAT?!!!!

Hope I can score as well in CT tomorrow. Ohemgeeeeeeeeeee.

We were all jumping in class (except zaf, he failed, sorry zaf)

So I have POA common test, SS test, and Malay test tomorrow. Awesome. NOT.

No offence, but POA's top on my charts right now.

You asked for my help.

You took it, you asked again.

I gave it.

Today you said I had nothing to do with it?

Like Benedict and Ben would say, FUCK YOU UPSIDE DOWN!

Ingrate!

Since you think you're so AWESOME , do this YOURSELF.

Don't just WALK out on people in anger.

Did you see the amount of people WILLING TO HELP YOU?

Too bad, if you ask help from me EVER AGAIN, you won't get it.

BECAUSE ONE OF THE THINGS I HATE THE MOST, is people not appreciating me.

AND WE'LL SEE HOW YOU COLLAPSE.

We'll see how you take this.

We'll see.

i won't get my hopes up.

i can't.

2010-02-27T23:54:00.003+08:00

Realized something abt myself in the shower.

Small hands. (Elly says look like a baby's)

Small ears. (like really!)

And my hands are more muscular now after dance.

Weird contrast.

Show me what you're after

Just a little faster oh~

2010-02-27T21:20:00.002+08:00

Groggy today.

Dreamt again.

Makes me groggy all the time.

Read Tempted, bathe, read again, eat.

I love Stark!

He's so amazing, haha.

Coz he's Zoey's oath-bound warrior, his servitude/love for her is amazing.

Man, I love the House Of Night series to the max. Haha.

I don't have much to say really.

Just that I feel that I've changed, and I don't necessarily like it.

I don't.

Just remembered that day in PoA, had test, super stressed.

Me: *starts peeling dry skin on my lips*

Me: *turns to hizan* Eh, ade darah?

Hizan: No.

Me: *continues peeling, enjoys the smoothness*

Hizan: EH ITS BLEEDING DAMN OBVIOUS.

Me: *touches* urgh. blood.

Hizan: Can taste ah?

Me: Ya. Blood taste -.-

Hizan: Metallic taste -.-

Then I went home, Mum asked me : What's that? BLOOD? WHY GOT BLOOD?!

Me: I peel my lips la -.-

One of my habits when I'm super stressed.

1) Peel lips

2) Peel skin on fingers

3) Shakes leg subconsciously (thank god for Sandra, she always reminds me)

4) Sudden dandruff itch

Okaaaaaaaaaaay, these days don't really know why I should blog,

coz most probably the only person reading this is me.

2010-02-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

ALRIGHT!
Morning :

Ben: Single.
Me:....? *ignore, thought he talking to benedict*
Ben: Oi!
Me: *turns*
Ben: Single. I dun. Like it.
Me : Uhhh. who? you?
Ben : You! I dun like it!
Me: uhhhh. okay....

I can never understand this boy. Seriously.
WHAT does he want? I can''t even be single now? -.-!

Maths: Hmm. Boring. Okay. I dno.
Eng : Got scolded like 3 times, one, because Ben doing Chem notes then got caught then she angry he angry, he threw tantrum, 0ne long story, 2nd is Jolina threw paper, 3rd is Ding Han threw paper. Don't ask.

Recess: I didn't even bother writing in the card thingy. I was helping to explain PoA to Priya.
Realized I'm quite good at PoA now. Weeee. Common test coming soon!
Quan Wei tried scaring me but he failed. Terribly. Only person able to make me scream is Aisyah.
One funny convo.

Thiva : Eh u got bf?
Me: No. I'm single. CURRENTLY. Currently.
Thiva : Means u got ex ah? wahhh.
Me : Ya this one my latest . *points to aisyah*
Aisyah: Wah I SAD SIAAA!
Then Thiva mumbled smth abt sec 2 bf or smth but I didn't hear coz I was cracking up abt this:
Supra : NUUUU! SHE'S MINE! IMMA MARRY HER!
Me: He's gonna GAMBLE ME AWAY at Vegas!
Supra: Uh. Yeaps.

Laugh like crap.

Went to class and my whole expression changed. Jolina was crying outside.
So drama my class.
Friendship prob.
Mrs Henry said this : "If a friend hurts you this bad, then that person is no friend."
I don't know, I don't think there's much truth in that.
Altho part of it IS true...
Lit was spent doing PC. It was alright.
Self-study, kept falling asleep while studying.
But I forced myself to study Chem, and it helped ALOT.

Lunch, ate super alot and fast.
Common test was surprisingly doable.
CCA was good actually.
I was so hyper. Haha.
For the crunches etc I did every single one with correct timing.
So enthu. It feels great actually.
Awesomely painful and great.
Did ballet today, suprisingly fun.
Stretching, my left split is still there.
Was super enthu in the new dance, hahahha! Keep annoying Tracy, until she want file police report liao!
Haha. Ms Ivy said help the sec 1s, so help Regina, she say I dance well, and I end up cracking to the floor . Haha!

After that slacked, went with Liyana to the new 7/11, ate, saw Regina with her bf(i think), saw Tracy (again!) took the same bus, talk talk talk, went home.
End of story..

Tired. Haha. Tired!

I'm collapsing inside.
Save me.

2010-02-25T19:15:00.002+08:00

Hey.

I know my blog's becoming dead boring.

It's mostly about all my personal stuff.

But even if my number of readers are declining, i don't quite care.

Alright.

English : Nth much, do pairwork with Benedict, i MAKE him do the 2 paragraphs. Lol. End up we hand in last, i do much faster sia.

PE: Do class cheer. I don't even know where to begin. It was... urgh.

Recess : Vannessa talked to me and Halima personally.

Chem: Lol, I passed. But I still hate Chem.

PoA: Test. Freaking difficult can? I was SWEATING. But I finished it, although I didn't know how to balance it at the end. PoA is so hard and boring. But it's good and beneficial. I think. Haiz.

Lunch : Timothy sat in front of me. He eat damn slow. Then I say, you're the first guy I've seen who eats so slowly. Then he gobble the thing up in like 7 secs flat. No joke.

SS: Mrs Teo thought that she didn't have class with us, LOL. She came in with 5 mins left to her lesson. Then Hizan proposed the idea singing Happy Bdae for her! Then we all sing her face was like wth? But she smile, so cute. Haha. We made her smile!

Stayed back for class cheer. Half of the class ran off. Awesome right? I half hate/love my class.

Seriously.

We were talking about how pathetic we felt.

Then we heard 3/4 got 12 passes.

Aisyah came to announce it.

I got pissed. I shouted. I screamed. I cried.

Then I laughed, coz the guys are so awesome (:

See? I half hate/love my class.

Seriously. We've hit rock bottom.

I can't even describe it.

It's just... urgh.

Forget it. You probably wouldn't understand.

This feeling that we share. It's what holds and breaks us apart.

Teachers complain about us.

We don't bother studying.

Know why?

This is what I hear all the time. "Aiyah, dun bother. Wun pass anyway."

Teacher: "Any questions?"

Ben: "Explain also no point... I wun understand...."

And somehow, I felt the same way.

It's a horrible feeling.

School just sucks for us.

I feel so sad hearing this all the time.

We're just so demoralized. We've lost our faith.

And it's draining me. It really is.

We might seem like all we do is have fun.

But really, sometimes it feels like we don't have any other choice.

Before you launch into your "You have to work hard! And be more optimistic!" lecture, don't.

Don't.

I don't know if this is a good idea.

I don't know why I marched up to you.

I don't know how the hell I got the guts.

I just knew I had to give it a shot.

2010-02-22T22:20:00.003+08:00

Scrap that. Scrap everything. God. I'm such a mess..............
To qayyum : this is the part where I say I give up and where you say don't! And I give all my kickass reasonable reasons, and you idiotically ignore them.

Oh, pp8 died btw. Sorry bffffffffff. (So not qayyum)
I know you can't live a day without a convo with me, muahahahahaa.

Blank. Lol. Pull yourself together Adriana. CT tau!
No one but you.
Me myself I.
Me myself I.
Ah shit.

2010-02-22T19:23:00.003+08:00

Let's see.

Morning, whole class lecture coz of rudeness.

So the Mummy of the House switch periods, so she can see us EVERYDAY.

I mean, not surprising. Welcome to 3/5.

Maths, was uh.. Test was easy but I screwed it up. @&*^#~!

I better not screw up tmr.

Eng, boring.

MT, boring.

I already did my Dialogue so I was bored.

Recess, studied SS. A little bit.

Physics, actually paid attention in class. Haha.

BEN'S PHONE RANG!

Class : *Silence*

Suddenly. *SHAWTY'S LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD~*

Ben: O.O!!!!!

Me: O.o??!!!

Sandra, Me, Benedict: *Ahem* *ahem* cher what you say?

Me : SHAWTY'S LIKE A MELODYYYYYYYY

Laugh like crap, best part is Mrs Koh never even hear anything!

She just continue talking abt free fall.

Lit WAS FUNNY CRAP!!!!!!!

Hahahaha!

Me( as Abigail) : I'M a goooood girl! (class laughs) I'm a proper- HAHHAAHHAHA! xD

Mrs Henry: Yes yes, we know you're a good girl *class laughs sumore*

Me : She made me drink bloood!

Khirul(Parris) : Blooood......

xDDDDDDDDD

Whole lesson went off-topic, talk abt beheading and dno what crap,

but we still finish Act 1! Haha

Lunch, ate in 3/4, studied.

Test was okay.

I subconsciously flipped the paper before I was supposed to.

Caught myself, though.

Welcome to my life. I do stuff without thinking it.

Like i'm in a trance...

K LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

Uhhhhhh. Bus-ed home. Ate. Bored. Facebook fight with Woofy.

Yeah, bored. Haha.

No. I don't quite know.

Ignoring it is driving me nuts.

Not thinking about it is driving me nuts.

Basically I'm going nuts.

Ah shit it.

SHIT IT.

You drive me nuts.

Crap.

2010-02-21T12:26:00.003+08:00

Is it just me or all the girls are so ghetto? hearts JB anyway, he dances!
Woke up feeling so groggy today.
I had too many dreams.
My imagination ran wild.
Haha.
I dreamt that I was supposed to be dead but I wasn't.
And I saw Jurgen and Jordan again, lol.
Jurgen had red hair. Lol.
And now I'm adding them on Facebook.

So.... On Saturday, me Atiqah and zaf went to see the supplier.
He abit STM. Seriously.
Makan first, saw Atiyya, Farah they all.
Went to return books (for me).

Me: *takes out a book*
Atiqah: o.o?
Me: *takes out another book*
Atiqah: O.o?
Me: *takes out another book*
Atiqah: O.O?!!!!! YA ALLAH, BANYAK NYEEEEE.
Me : *grins sheepishly*

Yada yada yada, went to Bugis.
Walk walk, find the tee.
Then me and Atiqah got a lil caught up in it, then Zaf got bored and went for his BBQ.
Lol.
Sorry Zaf.
But then we didn't have any cash on us, so yeah.

Me : If I see a ATM, it's a sign. (I wanted to get a wallet)
Atiqah: K set.
*walk walk walk**I stop.*
Me: Shit. *points ahead*
Atiqah: ATM MACHINE!
Me: *with great reluctance* Continue walking~~

After that bus-ed to Punggol, then bus-ed to Compass Point.
Went to library, collected my Tempted (omg, so excited!)
and borrowed a book on Mythology (excited also!!!!)( come on, my cats in Pet Society are named Pegasus and Phoenix. that shud say a lot .)
Yes people, I'm such a nerd.
I like Star Wars.
But I'm a well-balanced nerd! I think.
I like sports! (sort of)
I like to dance!
I like art!
I like gaming!
So i'm not that much of a nerd. haha.
I'm just messed up. xD

At home, ate ice cream ( so glad there's always ice-cream, if it runs out imma freak)
stared at my seventeen magazine.
watched Constantine ( i love shows like this, horror, but not gore. like Underworld. Me like.)
watched until 12.30, amazed i could do that.
normally I fall alseep.
so, don't count on me and late night movies.
unless it's star wars. sometimes i even stay awake during soccer when daddy falls asleep on the couch.
read my Mythology book and fell alseep.
was hoping i'd dream of mythical creatures but i didn't. grrr. haha.
yeah, khirul, dream about unicorns and candy mountain. xD

Actually, I've not much to write.
just bored. i'm such a idiot, left all my SS stuff under the table.
Haha! I can be smart and stupid at the same time. Mostly stupid. haha.
Once again, messed up.
No maths hw for the first time ever!!!! WooooHooo!
Sorry, still groggy, nth much to write.

Messed up, big time.
Shit, that dream still feels so freaking real.

2010-02-20T20:16:00.002+08:00

Hello! Will further write when I get hold of the comp. Currently using phone. Urgh.

I had a dream this morning.
A dream of you.
It made me see you in a whole new light.
Somehow it felt like it was a message.
Dreams are really your subconscious feelings.
And I realized mine.
And I fell for you.
Again.
Sucks. Really sucks.
I woke up feeling angry and amazed at the same time.
Mostly angry.
Sheesh. Why does it always have to be you?
And not somebody else?
Throughiout these 2 years.
So annoyed.
Adriana says she doesn't know what to do.
Maybe she'll just ignore these feelings and let them haunt my dreams.
What else can I possibly do?

2010-02-19T20:00:00.001+08:00

Sad.

2010-02-18T19:20:00.002+08:00

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Life's been so messed up lately.

Urgh......

I'm so tensed, sad... And i dno.

Urgh!

I think the easiest way is to not think about anything and just let it flow.

Why do I feel so betrayed? Shit it.

I'm not even sure of my feelings for you.

Fucking messed up. Haiz.

2010-02-17T19:06:00.004+08:00

Today was total crap.

Maths, rush rush, copy corrections.

SS, mad rush to do homework (she gives us loads of things to dooooo)

Recess : Mad rush to do PoA! And smth happened, not gonna elaborate.

Just that I think I have anxiety disorder -.-

I get really crazy when I'm stressed. Not talking about it.

PoA : Mad rush to copy/understand what the hell they're talking about.

(but PoA was fun, talk to Zaf. Haha.)

Physics : Mad rush to do the worksheet.

Lunch : Happy ^^

Eng : Finally a period where I can calm down. Slowly elaborated on the dream I had.

I got 16/25 for the test so I just relax one side. Lol.

MT : Let Nasha read, then he wrote a damn cute song for me, hahahhahaha! Can't stop laughing.

Then Zaf showed me his rap, while he's "kicking" my chair.

Correction. RapS.

In the end I didn't finish my dialogue. Zzzzzzz.

Watched the NCC guys for a while, bought JELLY JOY! (i rindu this, i used to buy loads in primary school and down it in one go)

Went minimart, crapped with Stead for a while. Then went her house, coz I really needed to pee. (Two packets of Jelly Joy, whaddya expect?)

Haha, her bros were at home, they're really cute. As in small cute. Don't get me wrong.

Her grandma was there, so must sit down and listen to things she say.

Her: Sape ni? (Who's this?)

Aisyah: Kawan syah, Adriana. (My friend, Adriana.)

Then I salam her.

Her: Same class?

Me: Takdelah. I'm in 3/5, she in 3/4.

Her: Oh... Skolah sama? (Same school?)

Me: Ye... (Yes...)

Then i went into the room, went out.

Her: Duduklah. Makan epal. (Sit down, eat apple.)

Me : Okay..

Her: Same class?

Me: O.O??? No.....

Aisyah's Mum : Bear with it. xD

Then the brothers smile at me, hahhaha!

I'm like okay....

Her house is NICE. Got stuff I LIKE.

Got sugarcane juice(!) and ondeh-ondeh (!!!!), and I LOVE THE INTERIOR DESIGN OF HER HOUSE!

Sat there for like.... an hour...

I couldn't just excuse myself. So rude.

And she was saying I manis, and she suke sangat. (Sweet, like alot.)

So I just smile and listen. And listen. And listen.

She talk about ugama and the days when she was a teacher.(Ugama=religion)

So I just smile. And smile. I'm good at it.

Until Aisyah fake a phone call. This is the funny part.

Aisyah: *picks up phone* Eh, Adriana, your mum.

Me : ...... O.O?

Aisyah: YOUR MUM LAH.

Me: OH. OH. *takes the phone* helloooooo? (on the verge of laughing)

Grandma: Oh? Sape tu? (Who's that?)

Aisyah: Mak dia. (Her mum.)

Grandma : Oh! Cakap cakap. (Talk, talk.)

Me: *whispering to myself*

Me to aisyah : Eh, gotta go.

Aisyah: Ah! Adriana kene pergi lah. (Adriana has to go.)

Grandma: Oh? *disappointed voice*

Me: Nek, pergi dulu ye. (Grandma, I go first k.)

Me: *runs, grab bag, salam her, salam mum, put on shoes, went down, took 89, gave pavi her hw*

I still find it so funny. I was like, what? No, my mum doesn't know your number. LOL.

Slowwwww.

And her Grandma's favoruite quote is "Bukan nek nak marah, ingati je."

Bus-ed home, super tired.

Crappy. Haiz.

But I'm still happy.

I still am.

Hanging from a string.

Adriana says, shrugs. I leave things be.

2010-02-16T14:09:00.003+08:00

I've done some dreaming and came up with some ideas, haha!

But i'm kinda lazy to write them down.

Everything's just stored in my mind. It might not be what I originally saw, because it should be drawn out.

But, I'll put smth here to give you a glimpse, hehe. xD

"If I put my hand out to your heart,

and yours on mine,

will the world stop?

For that moment of time,

everything is silence,

all I can hear,

is the sound of our hearts beating as one."

2010-02-15T20:56:00.001+08:00

"Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I"

2010-02-14T12:05:00.001+08:00

Am I supposed to laugh? And Act like nothing's wrong?

2010-02-12T19:31:00.002+08:00

Jolina : Where you taking your girlfriend for Valentine's Day? Must go high class place!

Ben : -.- my gf in Malaysia.

Me : Lol, fail, Ben so lonely.

10 mins later...

Ben : Eh Adriana where your boyfriend taking you for Valentine's Day?

Me : .... I'm single....

Ben : HAH? DUN LIE.

Me : I swear to God i'm single LOL.

Ben : Dun lie...... Dun lie....

Hahaha!

2010-02-11T17:21:00.003+08:00

Lol, happy CNY in advance. And Valentines Day.

I've not gotten Aisyah anything, LOL.

I've just realized that I've never actually celebrated V day before.

Hmmm.

Okay whatever. I'm bored.

School blows my brain.

You know how the wind blows through your hair?

When someone runs past you, or cycles past you?

I love it.I freaking love it.

I feel you in every heartbeat my heart could possibly pulse.

I'm trying so hard to ignore it.

2010-02-07T16:40:00.003+08:00

I'm sick and bored, so I thought I would write.

But because I'm sick, I can't really think.

So what I did , was I took out my poetry books from before, P6, and Sec 1 and 2.

I really liked some of them.

Of course, I can't put ALL here.

So, while I'm coughing my heart out here, I'm sharing my past with you.

Alright, here goes.

From P6:

Can't you see how numb I am?

Or is it because I'm hiding it?

Locked away in my heart,

So no one can ever see

The secrets I hold within.

Laughing away with my friends,

When they do

Trying to fit in

It's like putting on a mask

You don't like.

At night you try your best

Not to cry on the outside

You try to take off your mask

But it's already a part of you.

(We are made by our mistakes, our lies, and our actions.)

Sec 1

I don't know why, but I didn't write much here.

I think it's all in my blog.

Yup, it is. Found some.

Lol, lazy to write. I think most of them are about Qayyum.

If you're reading this Qayyum, shut up. Haha!

I think our relationship is a funny one.

From abang adik to together to enemies to this-weird-teasing-phase. Haha.

have i forgotten how to cry?
i still feel this pain in my heart,
though it's not a cut.
i feel sad, yet i feel fine.
what is this?
i always knew myself as a weak person who would cry whenever i wanted to.
as sad as i am, my tears remain in my eyes.
and they fall back as if retreating.
what is this, i ask?
am i simply too tired of crying?
am i so sick of it, for i've drowned myself in it for too long?
whatever it is, i'm glad.

try to understand me.
i don't know what's wrong with me.
i love you and all, but this just isn't working out.
i mean, what is the point of relationships, really?
isn't it to get married in the end?
what is the point of relationships now?
you'll just end up hurt anyways.
where can this possibly go anyway?
you'll be gone in about a year.
" What is love to you...." you ask.
i don't know.
i guess i never knew.
or maybe i'm just an Ice Queen.

Sec 2

"Although I know,

that he won't show,

I'll continue waiting

for the snow.

Until it rained,

and summer came,

I didn't stop waiting

for the next train."

Here was where I started writing songs.

"She sat down by the river,

crying,

crying.

Her tears so wet and slow.

Torn pictures,

flowing,

flowing down the stream.

Away and away.

Today she said goodbye,

her sad memories,

disappear,

somewhere I can't see you.

So she sang herself a sad song,

to make herself feel better,

a stubborn torn in the bottom of her heart.

Chrous:

She knows she can't erase him,

But she'll try.

Oh, she'll try.

She said, "There's nothing you can do to stop me,

from forgetting you in time.

A wound's meant for someone else,

to heal and keep inside."

I never thought that you could save me,

from myself,

my wounds,

my pain."

Okay, I can still remember the tune. Omg. Haha.

Sec 3

So here I am now.

With each step you take,

you take a deep breath,

hoping it isn't your last.

Sometimes you glance back,

reminisce and wonder in envy.

Sometimes you lose precious things,

your friends,

your values,

your conscience,

your innocence.

Shakespeare once said, "The world is but a stage , and all the men and woman are but mere players, They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts."

There are no rehearsals in life.

Each step you take should be a Full-Up.

And you should give your best performance.

2010-02-06T21:47:00.004+08:00

Why does something that feels so wrong, feel so right?

My heart should not belong to you.

It should not.

But somehow you crept under my skin and stole it.

And I'm angry because you took it.

And instead of giving it care and concern,

you ignore it.

In fact, you're hoping to steal another.

And now, I want it back.

I need to have it back.

Maybe I should start ignoring you and it'll return to me eventually.

I'm sick. Fever. Throat infection.

Felt like I'm going to die.

Lol. I think it's all the stress put together.

Yesterday was the breaking point.

2010-02-05T22:26:00.002+08:00

Another draggy day.

Ms Ong didn't come, so no Maths! Wee.

Then we played Hangman with Ting Peng. Haha.

Pai kia play hangman. Lol.

Then we write on his hand "I Stopped smoking!"

Hahaha! Damn fun.

POA test was rather fine, actually. I hope I score...

Didn't go for early recess coz she was teaching a new equation thingy?

No idea what she was teaching. I was falling asleep. Haha.

After recess, Chem.

I learn NOTHING from Chem.

I dozed off. Accidentally.

She called me, twice. Haha.

And I'm like, huhhhh. Still groggy. Haha.

Self-study was... uhhhhh. Indescribable.

Did only like, half of maths.

I dozed off towards the end, again.

Lunched with Thiva, Supra, and Syah.

Oh, and I'm not single anymore.

I stead with Aisyahhhhh. Hahaha!

We went to mini-mart, buy Cookies, Chips, Skittles for Thiva.

Yup, then we slacked.

Dance was fine. Ballet, so kinda boring.

The sec 1s were complaining coz of split, and step jump.

Haha. But they'll get used to it. They have to.

Dno why, but I was so enthu in doing crunches today.

I did every single one.

Regina : Wow, you surely have no problem with sit and reach and sit ups right?

Me : Eh, how you know?

Regina : I look at the way you do just now -.-

And I'm like, haha. But it was fun. I was laughing. I liked the pain, dno why.

Okay, the Speech Day dance is really nice.

I wannaaaaa goooo.

Haha. Pick me pick me! Must work hard. Hmm, JY Adriana!
Waited for Aisyah for like superrrrr long.

She promise me 6.30, end up wait till 7.

Tsk tsk tsk, it's never good to keep your stead waiting! Haha.

So I'm home. Bored.

Haha.

I'm sick, my throat hurts. And I can taste blood. God.

I'm superrrrr bored.

2010-02-04T18:32:00.009+08:00

We have lots of free periods these days.

Slack, slack and more slack.

A much needed break, thank you very much.

I don't quite have much to say.

Just that my heart hurts in so many aspects.

I can't keep my emotions in check.

I almost cried to the guys in Malay today. Dammit.

Haru Haru. My fav part, lol.

What is it about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can't get close nor try to talk to you
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times
[Chorus]
Don't look back and leave
Don't find me again and live (on)
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
I can bear it in some way
I can stand in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
I become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)
Oh girl I cry, cry
You're my all, say goodbye...

I'm tired. Really.

I can't deal with all this drama anymore.

It's really taxing.

And seriously, what made you think I'd actually like him?

Please.

I'm not that desperate.

Jeez. Whatever, I can't even get angry anymore.

----

The wind here is awesome.

I love it.

I love the feel of wind in my hair.

Today I feel like such a saddist.

Don't ask.

I just pray I won't turn back to who I was in the past.

Erase these thoughts.

----

~~What is it that makes you more special than me?~~

Do you have any idea how much my heart aches?

Why does everyone feel the need to put me down?

I've practically felt this way all my life.

I'm not good enough.

I'm never good enough.

I can't compare.

I just don't shine bright enough.

I'm nothing, and you're everything.

I try, I try so damn hard that I don't try anymore.

But it hurts so bad.

Pavi's right. What she said today was right.

I do so much but nobody cares.

Just see me. See me.

2010-02-03T20:08:00.002+08:00

I know, they look they're gonna kiss. Haha.

Haven't got much to say.
Sec 1s joined Dance. Umm, so far so good.
But i think lots will transfer out.
Must have high pain threshold for dance.
If not, you die.

Lessons have been boring, as usual.
Uh, today was supposed to stay back with the girls for Dance.
End up me and Li go to 1/8.
They stayed back to decorate the class.

Hoho, so we went in and they started screaming my name.
Like, screaming. Hahaha.
My fanclub, woots!
They even want my autograph! So sweet. Hahaha!
So, slacked with them.
Li went Central with Dayat and Khai.
In the end I help them with what THEY'RE supposed to do.
While they run around screaming.
Literally screaming.
Screaming in chinese, which, I unfortunately, can understand (to some extent, haha).
But quite good, whatever I don't want to hear, I can just say : Oops, Don't understand.

Bus-ed home with Megan, and here I am, typing.
Listening to BIGBANG.
Hoho, I love Haru-Haru. So sad. Lol.

And Quan Wei say write about him dancing MJ in class.
Okay, there. Write liao. Big Big.

Ummms, currently bored. Urgh.

Stressed, sad, bored. Dno.

Thanks to everybody who tried cheering me up.

Haha.

Firdaus: You don't look sad.

Me : That's coz I don't show it.

I'm a weird one. Today I laughed and cried at the same time.

Which I, did not let anyone see.

You can hurt me.

You can bruise me.

But I don't give people the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

I might be fragile, and sensitive.

But I have no fear in my heart.

I'm feeling so numb and lost.

Correction, I can't feel a thing.

My heart aches but I won't show it.

I won't.

2010-02-02T21:05:00.002+08:00

I just want to break down and bawl my heart out.

Haru Haru.

(Day by Day )

2010-01-29T19:53:00.005+08:00

God, this world is so cruel isn't it?

It's so cold and people put you down all the time.

This world is so judgmental.

Seriously. I hate guys. Eesh.

I hate this pressure to be something i'm not.

I hate this pressure to conform to something just to get out of your shadow.

I hate it I hate it I hate it!

I used to laugh when people said popularity was important.

Like, come on, wth?

Now I understand why. I totally understand why.

And I have no idea why I'm fighting so hard.

God, it sucks to be a girl. Sheesh.

2010-01-29T16:51:00.002+08:00

I'M BACK FROM CAMP YEAH!

No photos yet, Atiqah's camera is pretty sot, so yeah.

Day 1

Morning, 3/5 SUPER DUPER ENTHU.

We were the only ones who reply Mrs Woo, haha.

Waited and waited and waited for our bus.

While waiting we sing "F is for friends who do things together, U is for you and me! N is for anytime and anywhere, here in the deep blue sea!"

Haha, piss everybody off xD

We get to choose our bus! Then we chose the yellow one, hehe.

Then we "BYE BYE MR SINGHHHH!"

Then he say TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Haha, he so cute.

We sing sing sing sing in the bus!

Really fun.

When we got there it was boring.

We had to carry wooden planks back and forth, and they're quite heavy.

The girls were really pissed coz they kept calling us back coz we " did an incomplete job"

Split into two groups, 9 and 10.

I'm in 9! Haha, my favourite number.

Had lunch, I sit beside Halimah, and opposite her is Johann, and opposite me, is Khirul.

Now, there is an IMPROVED system in meals.

Last year : Take food then sing song then eat.

This year: Sing first, take food then eat! Dunnid wait for people! Haha.

Also, Khirul always helps me to take my drinks, hehe.

He seems so broody but he's nice lah.

Played team-building games.

My favourite was the one where everyone squeeze on the mat!

Coz it's fun, hahaha! Laugh like shit, coz my face was like freaking close to Zaf's and it's just plain awkward.

Bla bla bla, 8 people in one tent.

Slept with Zarifah they all that night.

Left the flap open coz it's so FREAKING HOT!!!!

Bad move, coz lots of mosquitoes.

Stop, yes I know, you're asking, GOT MOSQUITO NET WHAAAAAT. Dun haveeee!

I tell youuuuuuuu DUN HAVEEEEEE.

Wait for damn long, bathe, slept.

Woke up, freaking cold, totally bitten.

One thing that made it worth it? The stars. So beautiful, really.

I would sit on the grass and get bitten for all I care.

It's so damn nice.

Day 2

Second day's more fun!

We did catapult, tiring.

WE FINALLY DID HIGH ELEMENTS.

Didn't do the High Ropes coz I was too lazy. Did it last year anyway.

Did abseiling! I love abseiling.

I love zip line, rock climbing etc but we didn't get to do. So sad.

We had the Sarimbun Challenge, which is a sort of Amazing Race.

I still love Group 9 even though we didn't win. It's okay.

But it was fun running around in the rain with you guys.

Then prepared our performance for CAMPFIRE!

I was really emo and blank at that time.

Then I heard Hizan and Khirul talking, about me. Haha. And I'm right in front of them.

They were wondering why I'm suddenly not enthu.

Haiz, i think it'll be weird if I write it here.

I mean, I know a blog is to write out my feelings.

But people read my blog (apparently, who knew? not me. )

So yeah. I won't write it.

I was emo for starting of campfire too.

Which is, highly unusual. For me.

Ben sat in front of me, Halimah and Johann beside me, behind me Sandra, Satha, Samuel and Jolina.

We performed first, and I still think our cheer is the best.

Really, why didn't we win? Enlighten me. Coz of the handphone incident?

Haiz, nvm.

Screamed, but didn't lose my voice. Awwww, don't get to sound sexy. Haha.

Ben kept leaning back and lying against my legs.

He damn heavy lorh. I have to support him. Zzzzzz.

Ben ben ben ben.

Then Sandra, Samuel, and Sandra bully me. Keep poking me, then Samuel/Satha kept putting his cap on me. I had to deal with this as well as Johann pushing me to the left, and Halimah to my right, and with Ben lying on me. Great. Haha.

Kena attack from all directions.

The fire was plain beautiful.

And I'm not even a pyromaniac.

Bathe, sleep.

Day 3

Last day, eat, yada yada yada.

Group 9 and 10 were supposed to carry the planks back to the storehouse.

Me and Zarifah were lifting it, to stack it. But really heavy.

Then Khirul come help.

In the end they dismiss the girls.

Trainer : Okay, we need guys! Girls, you can go back!

Me : WOI SEXIST SIAAAAA! We've been doing this since when!

Zarifah : YAH!

Trainer : ....... Not you lah, them! You can stay if you want.

Both : K SET AH!

We estimate we lifted about 80? We were there from start to finish.

Carry 2 at one go.

I tell you, my muscles improve.

I was like telling everyone I see, " Eh eh, muscles siaaaaa!" *points to arm*

Haha.

Amadeus they all carrying two only. IT guy mah, but I love Amadeus! Haha! I tell him all the time!

So I say, " WAH! TWO ONLY? THREE LAH!"

Then they carry three we all go " WOOOO! MACHO SIAAAA!"

Hahhaha, damn fun.

Helped other people carry their tents.

Bla bla bla, eat.

Then they send us hard labour again,

This time clean toilet.

Wah, me and Zarifah angry man.

Carry so much, still want us clean toilet!

But it was fun, Ding Han took off his shoes and run around,

then we all play Hockey in the toilet, with soap!

Use broom as stick.

Haha, then toilet smell damn nice. Hehe!

Class bonding time. Haha.

Then, break, eat again. Write about our trainers. I say Aaron rocks, but Arif ( Group 10's trainer) was such a freaking flirt.

Debrief, bus-ed back.

Slept all the way.

Got 'class date' (eat at Mac) but too tired, I wanna go home. Haha.

So here I am, nice and clean, with 11 mosquito bites, now 12, talking to QW and blogging. Hmm.

That's all. Bye!

Our 2nd Group cheer:

Bow chicka bow wow
That's what my baby says
Mow mow mow
And my heart starts pumpin'
Chicka chicka choo wow
Never gonna stop

Gitchi gitchi goo means that I love you!

Love singing this! Don't be shocked if I sing this on Monday!

2010-01-26T19:01:00.003+08:00

Hi people. Actually right, today I wanted to post about the awesome day I had.

Oh, but something on Facebook caught my eye.

First off, if you have a problem with me, say it to my face.

Secondly, if I have a problem with you, which I do, I would say it to your face.

That is, if you weren't consistently ignoring me.

So, since you like to deal with words, hey sure, no prob with me.

Since you wanna do it ONLINE, BEHIND THE SCREEN, hey sure.

1) I did not stop treating you as my Sibling.

2) I just confessed to you. Wasn't expecting anything more until you confessed too.

3) After that, we ignored each other.

4) If you find it funny, laugh in my face. I'll swipe off that smirk.

ge.

6) Oh, thanks for just telling me that my CONSCIOUS EFFORT to patch our friendship is totally UNRECIPROCATED!

7) Did I even write anything offensive? No. I merely said I missed you. Thanks a lot for publicly attacking me.

2010-01-25T18:45:00.002+08:00

Say hello to Zafrul Haziq. Mr Gangster, but eat Sunshine bread for recess.

Hoho, either way he still rocks and we all love him. Haha.

Okay, today I was hyper in the morning, say MORNING! to everyone.

Sec 1s got briefing in the morning, so lucky. Skip lesson. Lucky peeps.

We got Maths (boo!) then everyone YAY! when she say we won't see her till next week.

MT was uh, okay. Had test. Khairul keep disturbing me, that idiot. Haha. Go disturb your girlfriend lah!

Haha, but I still love him. AS my best friend's bf. Haha.

Recess, Zaf the GANGSTA with his bread. Sec 1s running.

Did first floor duty, with an annoying BUZZZZZZ sound around me.

I think it's Firdaus. Hmmm.

Whatever lah, huh.

Talk to me properly or I won't talk to you.

Simple as that.

Social Studies, awesome red file! I love it. Maroon red.

As usual, super boring. Ben got higher than me. Sobs. He got 23, I got 17.

Ben : WAH! 23!

Me : -.- Shadap lah.

Ben : Hehehhee, *give cute little girl smile* I SOOOO HAPPYYYYY.

Me : (Wants to slap Ben, but he smile very cute.)

Eng, summary test. Boring, slept. Zaf woke me up.

Went to do hall duty.

We were super early, so we just talk talk talk.

Ran up and down to give Travis the thumbdrive.

The briefing, was uh, scary. I duwan go liao. I stay behind do with Sec 1s can? Haha.

June Henry wanted us to stay back, but all dun care, just run. Haha.

Did the class cheer with the guys.

Rest of the photos are in facebook.

Our cheer ROCKS AHHHH.

We gonna use it in Camp.

You watch out. Haha.

Currently talking to Quan Wei who is waiting impatiently for me to finish blogging.

( He now then impatient, later he get motorbike he don't want talk to me liao. Haha.)

Anyway, I put his name in pink, so people will ask me who he is! Haha, i'm waiting for that.

That's right, you've changed.

I'm glad you realize it.

You're not you anymore.

The you that I was so damn close to.

The you that was my Sibling, my twin.

The you that would sing Taylor Swift songs with me.

The you that would never ignore me the way you do now.

The you that wouldn't leave me hanging.

It's okay, it doesn't matter anymore.

Just live your own life since that's what you'll like.

2010-01-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

Hallo,

I'm talking to Quan Wei, but he very boring.
Hahahha! Jk, jk. He's very fun.

(Currently trying to do class hoodie with Zaf)

2010-01-22T18:40:00.002+08:00

These past days have been a blur, I've been laughing too much.

But there's always a cost for having too much fun.

Sometimes you unknowingly hurt others.

And I'm really sorry for that.

Haiz, speaking of injuries, Zaf got quite a bad wound from Idnowhere,

and I got a cut from playing with 1/8.

I was pretty flustered when we got back to class.

Me : (putting plaster) Haiz.

Ben : Oi, what happen to your leg?

Way to show concern sia. OI! Hahaha.

In the morning :

Joseph: Eh! I got racist joke.

Me : -.- okay set let's hear it. after 2 years, i can confirm super lame one.

Joseph : You know you all praying, I stand in front then I am GOD! MUAHAHHA!

Me and Ting Peng : ...... very lame eh.

I saw him in the bus again, then he go and tap my head -.-

Anyways, Self-study was like free period, so we were talking, but doing hw at the same time.

See, we're not that bad.

Sandra was all "BEN YOU MY BEST FRIEND. BFF MAN!"

Haha, till he got so sick and tired that I became his 'best friend', and he ask me all the questions.

Today I hugged Huz, bullied Thiva, had a crazy time with 1/8, laughed my guts out, sang "When you have sex, sex, you will die!", formed a closer relationship with the people around me, almost freezed to death, felt a strong pull towards someone, and fell in love with 3/5 !

I love school and hate it. Haha.

People ask how I'm so happy all the time.

I'm not. People make me happy.

And because of that, thank you guys, i love you!

2010-01-19T20:00:00.003+08:00

Harlo!

School's O-kay, I'm gaining more friends.

But, my confidence is still as shattered.

Gahh. Forget it luhs.

Lit was okay, but slow for me. And the text is good, but people read so DEAD, i get so frustrated because I want it "performed" a certain way. Haha. I know i know. Perfectionist.

I helped Kai Xin with spelling the words. She's nice. I'm hyper so it's easy to get along with people. I think...

Anyway, I was really down, then Ben cheered me up.

Ben : (turns to me, with a huge smile on his face) : Fuck you :D

Me :.... FUCK YOU TOO :D

Haha, makes me laugh.

Recess, looked up and Ting Peng and Joseph were waving at me. Hahas, weirdo.

Ben : You do Chem?

Me : Huh? Got hw meh?

Ben : (takes out the paper) Neh!

Me : ..... SHIT.

Ben : :D

Ben's funny laaaaaaa.

I fell asleep in Assembly.

It was so boring cans?

They called us there JUST to warn us about delinquency. Stupid lorhs.

Yesterday the incident. I just walk past, don't care.

So lame. Give long speech, till I sleep. Hahas.

Never even ask Sec 1s come. Like as if they wun be involved in time lah.

Look at Joseph and TP, now so paikia.

CCA was baaaaaaaaaaddddd. My stomach still hurts from all that crunches.

We had break, so we went outside.

BB boys were running, damn funny.

Melvin : OI! RUN RUN RUN!

Joseph, TP : OKAY OKAY!

Then they run run run, then Melvin tired he just sit there order people to run. Hahas.

Ding Han so poor thing. BB is the FUNNIEST uniform group, seriously.

You join, you LAUGH LIKE SHITTTT.

K, nth much. Bye.

2010-01-18T18:33:00.002+08:00

God, Khairul totally pissed me off today.

Guys are all the same same same same.

Just because a girl doesn't flaunt it all doesn't mean she's not attractive.

And what's up with the long hair thing? It's stupid.

God, so immature.

Thanks alot Khai, everything a girl needs. An insult to her confidence.

So insensitive.

I know lah, I'm not that pretty.

*rolls eyes*

Shakirah cried in MT today. We were all super quiet coz it's the first time she cried in class.

Maths test was, surprisingly fine.

Social Studies was uh, BORING. No offence Mr Suhaimi. We still love you.

Sandra: Cher you got hole puncher?

Mr Suhaimi : Uh, wait uh I check my pockets. Hmm, nope!

Jolina : Hahahaha! Cher you very cute, later I fall in love with you how?

Hahahaha! We discussed class tee during English. Thanks Hizan, you pissed me off TOO. Geesh, guysssss. Thanks for the ppl who cheer for me tho.

People keep pissing me off today. Must be PMS. Grrrrr. Explains my need to snack. Or maybe just stress. Haha. K whatever, bye.

I saw my ex-boyfriend today and was APPALLED by his fashion sense.

2010-01-16T19:25:00.003+08:00

It's a Saturday and what am I doing, you ask?

Choreographing. Because I know I won't put anything on stage that I'm not satisified with.
I'm a perfectionist, live with it. Haha.
I want it to :
1) wrench the audience's hearts
2) depict a story
3) be contemporary hip hop

Researched alot. Yes, I know, choreograph must research one ahhh?
YA! I don't take classes or anything so youtube is my best friend.
Haha!

I'm getting my money on Monday! Weeeeeeeee. Happy happy. Omg, maths test on Monday. Freak outttttttttttttttt. Class has been stressful but slacky at the same time.

Me: Woi, Ben, don't sleep.
Ben wakes up.
I'm sleeping.
Ben : Oi, don't sleep ah!
Me: Shaddup.

Haha, Chemistry is boring. Dno why people keep laughing. What's so funny?! -.-
And I really hate it when people ask my name. Haiz.

Ms Nancy : What's your name.
Me : Urms. Adriana.
Ms Nancy : How to pronounce?
Me : *I REALLY HATE THIS PART* Um, Adraina will do.
Ms Nancy : But is that how it's supposed to be pronounced?
Me : *flinch* my mum pronounces it ah-dri-ya-na.
Ms Nancy : So I'll call you that.

It's not that I have anything against my original pronounciation, it's beautiful.
It send a chill down my spine when somebody pronounces it that way.
It's just that it reminds me when my mum screams at me it's very nyaring.
And also, everyone pronounces it as Adraina. so I'm used to it.

Can't live can't breathe with no air.
That's how I feel whenever you ain't there.
Everytime I hear this song I'm out of breath. Ironic, no?
Can't breathe lately

Hafiz : Have you been writing poetry lately?
Me : No.... Have you?
Hafiz : I've given up on it.
Me : Why?
Hafiz : *shrugs* I see no point.

My heart clenched at that moment. How can you give up on poetry?
It's a part of your soul, you can't give up your soul.
I was saddened, but I didn't say anything. His choice.
That day Li took out the poem I wrote for her, and I gasped.
She still kept it, how sweet is that?

It's been ages,
and I've forgotten how,
it feels like to have a pen in my hand,
with words running through my mind.
They just flow,
I needn't think,
for these words, are remnants of my soul.
The parts that survived the calamity raging inside of me.
Day by day,
line by line,
these words,
these parts,
they form the new me.

2010-01-13T20:21:00.003+08:00

Me : Megan you want dance with me for TQ?

Megan : Orh, see first the dance.

Me : Cannot see first, I haven't make! Make a bit only.

Megan: YOU MAKE YOURSELF?!
Me : YA!!!!! -.- If not why you think I start so earlllyyyy?

Lol, syah suggested dance crew. Thing is, 1) I need PEOPLE 2) I need to choreo more 3) I need feeeeeelinnnnnggggg. emotions. passion. drama. GAH.

Dno what imma gonna do, honest. And maybe I'm switching to Tumblr.

---

Today switch seats, yay! Altho I just moved back one table, it's still an improvement from right at the front. But I lost my new found friends. Haiz. Need to make friends with China Girl beside me, China Girl in front me, Seriously-Slacking/Quiet- Ben beside me and Benedict behind me.

And Ben is my Physics partner.

(Whole class quietly swinging pendulum bobs)

Me : PSSSST Ben, we do together luh, FASTER!

Ben : ..... kay.

Me : Uhhhh.

Ben: K. I do 80, you do 70.

Me: Ummmz. K.

Very awkward talking to him >.>

Obviously June Henry thinks putting me beside China Girls (No offence) will help them improve their English... But how am I supposed to do that WHEN I DONT SPEAK MANDARIN?!

God, serious oversight. And now I have no one to Pssst, how to do Maths? in Ms Ong's class (which is hell).

Really looking forward to camp. Camp camp camp!

Recess, was showing Syah my steps when Kamisah came down! And my phone was playing song at MAX! And I was eating Nutella biscuit {very nice :( }

Super stm, didn't know whether I pay for councillor tee not.

POA was bad. Kept falling asleep (wasn't the only one) .

Then again, I always fall asleep.

In the bus, MULTI-TASK! Go home, take nap, and listen to music at the same time. Cool kan?

Haha.

MT was uh, okay. Mostly Khai kacau me, and Zaf behind singing Bad Romance (dun ask -.-)

Anyway Zaf is my "back-up", thanks a lot anyway Zaf.

Everyday he's pretty much getting more like a bro to me.

Hmmmmms, not much lehs? K, i'm off. Ciaoz xD

2010-01-12T20:38:00.002+08:00

K hello again. Who reads this blog ANYWAAAAYYYY?

Kk. CCA again and my legs/stomach hurt. And I have a craving for cookies these days!
Haha, people always have the "YOU PREGNANT AH?!!" reaction when I say I have cravings.

Anyway, I think I want to join TalentQuest? I wanna dance to No Air, lyrical hip hop. But I scared I can't convey the emotion that I want to. So, I was thinking I need a partner. And Zaf wants to dance too, but undecided whether he wants to dance with ME, haha, since our styles are really different? I need feelings, emotions and a whole lot of drama for this, and drama is NOT Zaf.

Zaf is hip-hop-with-as-little-emotion-as-possible, more technical kind of hip-hop.

So YEAH DILEMMA.

If I have to do it alone, I'll be really scared. Haha. Uh, dno uh. I came up with a small part of the choreo already. But I think I'll be loaded with work, haha.

2010-01-11T17:32:00.003+08:00

"Let nature take it's course." , a friend told me that once. Recently, actually. What he said was what I really needed to hear. And i'm going to do just that.

Something told me to wait. Something told me to go. Something told me I'd see you today.

There you were. I didn't feel anything. I didn't know you as I walked past you.

There was no heart clenching, there was no happiness. There was just blank, as I knew there would be.

So I took a long walk to 7-eleven. I brisk-walked, feeling flushed and happy. Got my yogurt drink and a cookie. A flourish of red caught my eye.

Then I remembered, you and me, laughing at the blossomed tree. It was beautiful, filled with red and the chirp of birds. For a while after that, the tree became barren. Everytime I looked at it my heart filled with sadness. Because, it too, felt barren. Empty and incapable to get back what I had.

But today, I just smiled at this memory, for the tree was starting to fruit again, no matter how slowly. Today, I told someone, what's past is past. I realized right then, as I stared, that the same thing applied to me.

Then I laughed because I was being so childish. I felt forgiving.

Dno. Scrap all this. Haha.

----

Maths was okay, surprisingly. MT was uh. I was paired with Gloretta, and in the end my slang went totally Indon. I mean, it's not that I don't like it, technically I AM Indon ( Even tho the stupid paper said INDONESIAN EXTRACT. what crap is that?!)

Haha, then it was really fun, whole day speak Indon. 3/5 is so slack, so noisy, BUT WHO CARES?! hahahahah!

I kept saying we're so stupid and Halimah got pissed.

Me : We finish so early coz we're in the stupid class!
Imah : -.-

Atiqah : Mentally challenged!

Imah: -.-!!!!! WE CHOSE DIFFERENT SUBJECTS!

No assembly, wait for the bell to ring!

My class rocks can?

It's because we're so slack but we have the desire to PROVE that we aren't stupid.

Lol, k I've got nothing else for now.

2010-01-09T19:24:00.002+08:00

WTF JEREMY.

2010-01-08T20:28:00.001+08:00

Well, today I am filled with self-doubt and embarassment.
I'm sad, tired, anxious.
Tomorrow need perform, haiz.
I don't feel like it, no idea why.
Guess I don't feel up to it.......

2010-01-06T19:01:00.002+08:00

Man, i'm totally knocked out from PSL-ing.

Seriously.

Combine noisy/totally quiet kids, a stalker, 3 days, fussy teachers, lots of screaming, duty and lots more. Really tired, suffering from gastric coz we didn't get to eat.

But mostly I'm glad I got rid of my stalker. Now I just have to steer clear.

It's very very very scary when a guy 2 years your junior wants to stead with you.

Really.

REALLY.

I am still scarred, honest.

Okay, I'm scared because normal lessons will resume. ><

I'm not quite sure I want to give up running around for sitting down, but well, i have to.

Gahhhhh, ok. Cya.

I'm just like whatever. If you want to act like nothing happened, up to you.

But I don't think you can be my sibling again, it's hard even as a friend.

It just won't be the same. Wait, ahhhh yes. Nothing's wrong. Continue laughing at me while I'm thinking , Do you even have a RIGHT to laugh at me? I don't think so. Because I honestly don't find it funny. I can't even LOOK at you. Shit, I hate it when people pretend nothing's wrong. Or maybe you just don't even care? Our friendship is N-O-T-H-I-N-G to you.

2009-12-31T21:07:00.005+08:00

I have loads to post, i think. But my head is still spinning, so maybe in a few days.

At least when I recover.

Anyway, i'll summarize.

Two words. Egyptian Exhibition. With Aisyah. And sisters. Awesome.

(Mum and sisters wanna go watch fireworks. There's no way I can last till 2 am, serious.)

~~I'm not surprised you're not concerned the slightest bit.~~

It makes me want to laugh. Almost. Almost.
But I mean, I expected that. From you.
I half feel like I want to take everything back.
But the other says What The Heck, Why Should I Care?
This is what happened, so wtv.
But it's gonna be awkward. Definitely.
I should never have said anything to you in the first place.
Because now I'm super confused.
But I guess the answer is like, super evident.
I guess it's just going to be like this. Hanging.

~~Shrugs.~~

Whatever.

( Today I agreed on smth with Zaf that I shouldn't have. I take it back. Pavi and Aisyah should know what it is. In Popular. I'm not that bad. )

My first resolution for 2010? To sleep properly! Sleeping sucks nowadays, I keep waking up and feel like puking. Zaf says it's coz I sleep wrong position, lol?

I think so too. I wake up to find myself not sleeping on my pillow -.-

ALWAYS.

Question: Should I private my blog? Hmms.

2009-12-29T16:00:00.003+08:00

I'm a big ball of nerves right now.
I haven't completed my hmwk, I'm feeling bloody stressed staring at a blank screen, typing my compo, when my mum comes in and asks me to buy goreng pisang for her at pasar malam.

How the hell am I not to be pissed? God! I am so bloody pissed that I didn't bother to buy my burger Ramly. When I'm pissed food doesn't matter to me. I can go without it.
It's just that point of time when everything the past few days catches up to you.

Man, how am I to complete my homework when it's errands/chores every day?!
Gah.

Who'll read this anyway, probably nobody. Nobody bothers to read your rants, trust me.

I could hurl as many hurtful words to you but it wouldn't matter.
Because right now, I don't know you.
You're non-existent to me.
What? Just words? Watch me.

2009-12-20T14:21:00.003+08:00

Sorry for being dead these few days.
Myabe coz I feel dead.
Been going out alot, really unusual for me.
I hate going out.
Cut my hair, just like everyone else lol.
Cut it real short.
Felt like it, don't ask why.
Anyway, who cares about hair anyway?
People with cancer live without hair.
Models walk around with barely any hair left and they don't care.
So, yeah, whatever.
Homework's barely done and I have 15 days more.
But everyone keeps dragging me out, so yeah.
HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET IT DONE?!
So, sorry Khai. Doubt I'll go for badminton. I suck at it anyway.

Now I'm currently waiting for my parents. They wanna go out -.-
I'm all dressed, turns out Daddy still at the comp and Mummy sleeping.
Real sorry about my lack of photos or whatever shit.
Not exactly in the mood, so yeah.
I really hope I'm myself again when sch opens tho.

-----
I hate it when people make you feel stupid. Even unknowingly.
Do you have any idea what it's like?
When people expect great things from you?
And you try but you fail?
Over and over again?
And you're the black sheep? The dark horse?

2009-12-14T15:35:00.004+08:00

You know when people expect you to react but you don't?
And you do when they don't?
Honestly, I have nothing to say, really.
Like, should I feel concerned?
I don't care really.
Just don't keep in under my nose all the time.
It annoys me.
Like rubbing it in or smth.
( I wrote smth really harsh that involved the word filth but i took it out coz i'm not like that. I shouldn't stoop the the same level as spit. Oops. )

I should cut my hair soon.
I don't like ponytails.
Your hair doesn't fly with the wind. I hate that. Urgh.

------
Omg, thank gdness for Google Books. If not i wud have died for lit hmwork.

2009-12-12T21:41:00.005+08:00

I love GC.
I don't think I'm going to be blogging alot.
I don't really have much to say, honestly.
I have my backbone checkup soon -.-
I got referred to the specialist, boo.
Man, I almost feel like I don't wanna go on the 16th.

I'll probably just post my dreams, or maybe lines that pop up in my head.
Have you ever dreamt of someone you've never seen before?
But felt an instant connection somehow?
Perhaps even love?

There you were, standing behind the curtain which seperated us.
You smiled and pulled me through.
You said no words, but I knew you meant "Let's go."
But I wasn't ready for heaven.
I had to take care of some things first.
I stepped back and your smile disappeared.
In my heart I said, wait for me.
You were silent as I walked away.

Funny thing is? In the middle of all this Atiqah was with me the whole time.
I dream too much, honestly.
Really hard for me to wake up some times.
Because in my mind, the adventures I compose are plain wonderful, sometimes I don't wanna wake up to this cruel reality so fast.
But I'll wake up with a headache. Haha.
Maybe I should try writing, or smth.
Okay girl, wake up to reality. You've barely touched your homework and you have only about 20 days.
Scared? You should be......

Mehs.

----
There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart

How true is this? I mean, I've heard that nice guys always end up last.
I dno, heard people say that guys should be heartbreakers coz the girls will just under-appreciate you.
Personally I think it works, but if you do it all the time then that's just stupid.
You just put yourself last on the list, lol.
Anyway I love this song coz it's totally sad, the guy doesn't want to do it but he has to, so I believe it's forgivable, haha!
Joel Madden rocks, anyhow :)

I'm not concerned coz you aren't in the slightest bit.
Like you said, wavy.
Right now it's pretty much going down if you ask me.

2009-12-10T21:01:00.004+08:00

Ka-ze-ha-ya-kun! <3
Addicted to Kimi Ni Todoke.
Makes me happy happy happy!~
Makes me blush like a schoolgirl ><
Wait, I am a schoolgirl.
KAZEHAYAKUNNNN!

p.s, i'm throwing a fit because I realize I have to wait a week for another eppie of KnT . Oh kazehayakun! ><

2009-12-09T20:37:00.002+08:00

If I had found you, there isn’t a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I was that boy, who would have — as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for — gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didn’t have quite the same connotations.
Edward Cullen, Eclipse, Chapter 12, p.277

2009-12-09T17:28:00.002+08:00

I don't know whether to smile, laugh or cry.
coz I found myself doing the first two when deep inside my heart yearns for the latter.
wow, two faced sia.
thought i could trust you.
i have nothing to say to you honestly.
really.
talk to me and we'll see if i reply.

what if reality, is just a form of perception?
what, really, defines right and wrong?
wrong could be right all along.
fantasy could be reality.
perception.

2009-12-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

Who watched Aaja Nachle on Saturday?
Then you would agree the play/musical they made on Laila Majnu was amazing.
It's on youtube, anyone who wants to see it.
Laila and Majnu (Laila and the Madman) is a story of two lovers who can never be together.
A bit like Romeo and Juliet.
Many versions, but I love this one the best.

Another variation on the tale tells of Layla and Majnu meeting in school. Majnu fell in love with Layla and was captivated by her. The school master would beat Majnu for paying attention to Layla instead of his school work. But some sort of magic happened. Majnu was beaten but Laila would bleed for his wounds. Word reached their households and their families feuded. Separated at childhood, Layla and Majnu met again in their youth. Layla's brother, Tabrez, would not let Layla shame the family name by marrying Majnu. Tabrez and Majnu quarreled; stricken with madness over Layla, Majnu murdered Tabrez. Word reached the village and Majnu was arrested. He was sentenced to be stoned to death by the villagers. Layla could not bear it and agreed to marry another man if Majnu would be kept safe from harm in exile. Layla got married but her heart longed for Majnu. Hearing this, Layla's husband rode with his men to the desert towards Majnu. He challenged Majnu to the death. It is said that the instant Layla's husband's sword pierced Majnu's heart, Layla collapsed in her home. Layla and Majnu were said to be buried next to each other as her husband and their fathers prayed to their afterlife. Myth has it, Layla and Majnu met again in heaven, where they loved forever.

I'll put up part 1.

2009-12-04T13:32:00.004+08:00

CLIMATE CHANGE MAY BE A HOAX. *GASPS*
GOOGLE CLIMATEGATE.

Heyyyyy guys.
Haha, sorry for the playlist.
I know it's not really ME, more like who I was.
I thought I was fine but I'm slipping back to who I was 2 years ago, and I can't help it.
It's just a phase, I hope. Lol.
I realized how much I missed GC.
At least I have a slow Korean song! Haha.

Watched New Moon, woohoo!
Went with atiqah ,li, atiqah's sis and her friend, atiqah's primary sch friends, Haikal and forgot-what's-his-name.
Was nice. I went from Team Edward to Team Jacob. So sorry, sobs. I'll be back. Lol.
Bella is just lucky she has two people who would love to die for her.
Or she would have already died. Lol.
I like Kristen's acting.
And at the end where Robert is all shy and charming. Lol.
Then we all went 464 and play, haha.
Then the guys went home, then smth happen. Lala.
Went home, mum say wash dishes, so I did.
Was going to sleep, then mum say go solat isyak.
I couldn't sleep coz I felt guity, haha.
So I did, lol.
Woke up in the middle of the night with a searing pain in my head.
Felt like screaming ,honest.
So here I am, haha.

Oh,oh my sis bought monsta heels!!
I love heels but I don't have an occasion to wear them.
I'm too young, lol.
Even tho Li says I look 19-.-

Me : Mami! Kakak bought new heels uh?
Mum: Ya, you know her. So tall still want wear heels.
Me: Yalah, she want look like supermodel what. They very tall what.
Mum: You also can what. All of you can. Sumore you have straight hair.
Me: -.-!

I'm 14, and I'm not that tall and not that pretty, lol -.-

Pavi, bout the drama thing I totally get where you're coming frm.
My mum wanted me to go Girl Guides (ew)
but I secretly (or so she claims) put Dance.
Even tho I don't go that often, it's what I wanna do, and that's important.
Just quit, you never know what'll happen.
Can you imagine? I wouldn't even have known I had this 'hidden potential' in me.

--
What do you want? I would private my blog but I'm not like that.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I'm not afraid to say what I feel.
Stop playing games with me.
Your "oh-i'm-so-happy-yay-me" stunt makes me want to PUKE.
Just tell me what you want.
----
I tried confiding in you but I was brushed away.
Well. I should be used to it by now.
I don't have anything to say anymore.
Guess you know why I fade away.
---
I've seen enough now to know that beautiful things don't always stay that way.
I've done enough now to know this beautiful place isn't everything they say.

fav part? 0:53 and 1:30
---
been trying to make a new choreo to you'll find a way coz i'm not satisfied, lol.

2009-11-26T17:29:00.002+08:00

A piece by Yuriko Lochan, born Japanese but married an Indian.

Honestly, when you msged me on the 20th, i didnt know what to feel.
I thought, maybe, just maybe...
But you had to spoil it by acting all tough right?
Now I realise,I shouldn't waste time on self-proclaimed Casanovas.
I think my heart might belong to someone else anyway.
So,bye.

----
tmr's hari raya haji, but i feel so tired.
and have to makeup tmr.zzzz.
spring-cleaning is tiring.
and it's not exactly spring.
---
oh, btw people,my prepaid died.
dno why ,but i'm loving "Last Christmas"
lol.
loved taylor swift's,but ashley tisdales's still nicer.

2009-11-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

Adriana says she has this to say :

1) Qayyum is an arse.
2) Today was fun but felt like two days instead of one.
3) Today I.... (would rather not talk abt it)
4) Would rather not think abt it, just dismiss it.
5) Realised she's not that good a dancer.
6) Shivered in the cold? I forgot I actually brought my cardigan for that purpose -.-
7) Got grumpy when she reached home and ate chicken. Again.
8) Feels she might slip back into that same phase two years ago.
9) Was bathing when she realised she received a benjol today -.-
10) Her legs hurt.
11) Nobody got eliminated from SI -.-
12) Still has no idea what you're trying to do.
13) Cares, but would not like to care.
14) Urgh, get off my mind -.-
15) Thought listing would be awesome but realised if i don't stop the numbers will get real big -.-
16) Therefore I will stop here.

2009-11-23T13:36:00.002+08:00

You know, I don't really know what i'm feeling.
I can't think straight anymore.
Okay, whatever, hahaha.
If i can't think proper, then i won't. At all.
lol,k. urm.
sorry,blank.
i'll post some other time k?

i feel like bursting into tears.

---
Edit:
Friday:

Don't wanna talk abt it.

Saturday:
Went to watch Duck & Dive at the NLB with my sis.
Dropped off at Bugis.
It was nice.
Targeted for kids, but had some adult humour in it.
Liked the main song.
Isabella Chiam(?) was good.
My sis was working there so we had free tickets.
Her friend said i looked older than her.
-.-?
And my sis is 19, haha.
Maybe coz I was wearing my turtleneck.
Ohwell.
Whatever. Haha.

2009-11-18T14:57:00.001+08:00

I don't know why but I like Christmas songs.
I mean I don't believe in Christmas, I just like the merry atmosphere.

Borinnnnng. I haven't started on homework.
At all.
I just feel like watching movies and eating eating eating.
Lol.
Lately these days very cold.
Feel like Genting -.-

My hair feel super thick?
Like it takes 5 seconds for the thing to get wet.
Haha, random i know.
I just feel really random, but I like it.
I have no regrets.

Urgh, should I go for Grad Night?
There's this whole internal conflict going on.
Idontknowidon'tknowidon'tknow!~

Since my comp is gone, all my songs are gone.
Everything gone.
Gahhhh, i'm dying of boredom.

Playing Dekaron on private server.
2000x EXP
awesome, no?
I got to lvl 100 in a day. Huahuahua.
Next time wanna play anything?
Private server.

Lately these days,
My mind is a total blank.
So many opressing problems,
so many things to be wary.
I don't want to think about it.
I'm pushing myself away from it.
I'm going crazy.

2009-11-15T22:10:00.001+08:00

I think I'm okay now.
But I'm starting to get real depressed and slightly mental when i'm all alone and staring at the ceiling.
Heh.
Okay, I should stop whining because the world doesn't revolve around me.
Anyway, days are dragging by.
I've not TOUCHED my work because somehow it reminds me of not getting into an a-maths class.
Urgh, I dno lah.
Guess I haven't exactly come to terms with it.
But I'm okay. I think.
Oh, and my desktop isn't working anymore. ( Serious, i tried what i could!)
So we dismantled it, muahhaha.
Maybe getting the wireless kind.
Muahahahaha!
But I really need it.
I feel so bored without my gaming.
I had to play ps3 today instead.

Or maybe a laptop?
Hehe But gaming on laptop is super mafan.
Anyway I'm waiting for the 25th!
And I'm not sure abt Grad Night, Vanessa was sposed to get back to me on that, but owell.
I want my books, so I can read my Lit text.
I'm only looking forward to that..

Oh oh oh! Who wants to go watch Duck & Dive with me? :D :D :D!
my sis works at iTheater so she got free tickets.
worse come to worse i go with my eldest sis. bleuk.

Step by step.
I'll make it through.
I'll be okay.
I always do.

------
I hate justifying my thoughts and opinions.
I hate having to explain my feelings.
I hate "What's wrong?"s.
Somehow I just do.
Sometimes, don't you wish, you'd find that someone who'd knew exactly what's wrong without saying a word?
Able to read your thoughts?
Sounds pretty impossible, i know.
You can't have everything in this world.

2009-11-12T15:44:00.003+08:00

I have never felt more drained.

Everything's simmered down quite a bit.
My mum still thinks I didn't get A maths because I took POA.

Right now I'm just ~whatever~
She says I'm so go-with-the-flowy.
What's wrong with that?
Oh wait, you won't be successful in life.
God, I hate this materialistic world.
I'm sorry if going with the flow is a sin.
But I like it.
It's like following where the wind goes, floating on the ocean, just waiting to see where fate takes you.
Just floating and listening to what your heart says. Listening to the sound of birds, wind....
You know I used to wish God would just take me.
So I wouldn't do sins and surrender myself to the prowess of modernization?
And I can be all flowy then.
I hate the city.

Sometimes I feel like your body is just a shell, you know?
That the something inside is worth more than anything else here.
Now I have to surrender myself.

I am *expected* all As for O's.
I am *expected* to have a daily schedule which I must surrender to my mum.
I am *expected* to follow it for the next month.
I am *expected* to use my Sundays for studying.
I am *expected* to give all details on where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm doing it with.
I am *expected* to do Malay every day.
I am *expected* to not hang out with you.
I am *expected* to not be what my Mum calls "MacDonalds Kids" which means no lepak-ing.
I am *expected* to go straight home.

Someone save me. I think I have it worse than Atiqah.
Goodbye free-flowing-spiritual believer.
Hello OCD-Studying is my life-I must get As.

Okay I'm depressed.

(Fun fact: My mum named me after the Adriatic Sea. Says she wants my capacity to be the depth of the sea. Which, after due research, it's max is 1km. Haha.)

----------
"Sape suroh letak POA? Just like that time I tell go take Girl Guides you go secretly put Modern Dance.
Lepastu tak pergi pun. Now ambik POA you better excel. Suka hati kau lah."

Sometimes following your heart is wrong.

2009-11-11T19:08:00.004+08:00

I feel like i'm at my lowest point.
I feel like I'm going to break into a million pieces right here right now.
And I wouldn't mind.

Expectations.
I just can't fulfill them.
I just can't be what you want me to be.
I don't even know what I want to be.

Your sister took 10 subjects.
The other took 8 subjects.
And still can score As for O Level.
Your sister.
Your sister.
Your sister.

I just have to shut up and just take it.
Just shut up Adriana.
Just shut up and it'll all be okay.
A-okay.
Just shut up and wait.

Shut up shut up shut up.
----------

for all you kpos, i'm in 3/5.

throwing away all my wksheets.
recycling them.
what's the point of wksheets?
they aid you for a year, then you throw them away.
what's the point of studying?
for furthering our potential. for survival. for economy.

what's wrong with 3/5?
Halimah said doesn't mean you don't get amaths or pure sci means you're stupid.
In the eyes of others IT DOES.
Then why do you care so much abt what ppl think?
Uh, hello. Those people are your employers. They are your parents.
They are your community.
They are the people you will live with for the rest of your pathetic materialistic life.

I'm never good enough for you.
I'm never good enough for anybody.
-------------

Found this while sorting out papers:
Here I am,
staring at blank paper.
Wondering,
if you're worth my tear.
Anyone would agree,
i'm at the losing end,
waiting for you,
available, willing,
at your dispense.

I'd take a deep breath,
stand by my pride,
but you're my favourite tune,
these feelings I cannot hide.

I could get someone else,
to feed my heart,
but i'm afraid,
i'll lose out if we part.

You treat me like a game,
making me wait,
calling your name.
You put me on hold,
waiting in queue.
Truth betold,
I'm quite fed up with you.

Now I'm staring,
at a paper once blank.
Now filled,
to my heart's content.
I rip it up to a million pieces,
as I stare at it once again.
Coz you left me feeling so listless,
these things my mind refuse to comprehend.

2009-11-09T15:12:00.006+08:00

(SYTYCD season 3 is still the best. Lacey and Kameron's Contemporary to Elisa's "Dancing" is still my fave)

(0:43 takes a lot of trust....)

You know what?
I'm not upset that we decided to cancel the dance.
Really, I'm not.
If that's the way you're going to treat us, then there's no point putting my friends through the emotional trauma you're oppressing on us.
I mean, really, whatever.

I'll wait.
I'll wait for someone who'll appreciate it.
I'll wait for someone who'll say Ohmygod, this girl has talent.
I'll wait for someone to fall head over heels for me and never give up.
I'll wait for someone who'll never give me up for the world.
I'll wait for someone who can dance with me, know my every move, even though we'd just met.

Er, okay now what. I'm stuck at home for 2 months.
Help, I'm rotting!
Urgh.

Paris. Argentine Tango. Romance. Passion. Music. Roses.
Fields. Flowers. Sunshine. Smell of fresh rain. Dew. Chirp of birds.
Lit alleyway. Sound of laughter. Smell of yeast. Sunset. Dribbling of ball. Children.

Winding stairs. I run. Run, run run. I cry but no one hears. You stand outside my window, laughing.
The sick stench of lust.
The sick stench of blood as I push you down.
Sirens and honks.
The sick splattering of blood.
I'm scared.
Still shaken.

Me: I hate going home when it's dark.
Li: Why? Got nothing lah!
Me : I got phobiaaaa -.-
Li : You kena before meh?

I just realized she was talking about ghosts. Because I replied, " No, but I dreamt of it. Loads of times."
I wasn't talking about ghosts.
I was talking about being..... sexually abused.
Ok, nvm. Haha.

(the thing i love about argentine tango is the leg interlocking. awesome stuff.)
-----------
What do you want?
Tell me, what do you really want?
Because if it doesn't include me, let me know.
Then I can stop waiting for something that's never going to happen.

2009-11-08T22:20:00.004+08:00

(Stares. "Is it me or is it hot in here?")
Hello, once again. I'm in love with Kimi Ni Todoke! I was looking through my photos recently, and....I miss all those times.I miss all the laughter we shared.As cheesy as this sounds, I'll miss you guys.Really.Even though I'll see you for 2 more years.Around the bend, at recess. Maybe at the358 busstop.But probably not in class.There won't be anyone to disturb me when I'm sleeping.There won't be anyone busy reading New Moon to disturb.I'm sad.Really.But I'll wait for Wednesday before writing a whole post.Let's go together kay?I want to.Being sentimental I'll probably cry.Haha. I'm such a sucker for goodbyes.I feel like making a montage.But that's so mushy ><Hehe.

(Sally drew this. Hidayat the cowseller. Haha.)

I feel like sprinting.

With no shoes on.

Like in a jungle or a forest.

I run well.

It's in my blood.

Just running and running and running....

But I can't.

Mummy says no more sprinting.

Scoliosis.

She used to sprint too, lots of medals.

Then she stopped coz of scoliosis.

Surgery.

A year in the hospital.

2009-11-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

Finally started watching anime again today.

Bakemonogatari:

Bakemono is monster/ghost and gatari is the short form for stories.

So the literal translation is Ghostory.

I didn't know that the word could mean Ghost too, so I was a little surprised.

Here's the sypnosis:

Bakemonogatari centers on Koyomi Araragi, a third year high school student who is almost human again after briefly becoming a vampire. One day, a classmate named Hitagi Senjōgahara, who infamously never talks to anyone, falls down the stairs into Koyomi's arms. He discovers that Hitagi weighs next to nothing, in defiance of physics. After being threatened by her, Koyomi offers his help, and introduces her to Meme Oshino, a strange middle-aged man living in an abandoned building, who helped him stop being a vampire.

Key features? Artsy. Very artsy. Very literature too. If you're an artsy person you might want to check this out. It's very dark in its own way. I already feel disturbed. If you're not cut out for dark stuff, don't watch.

Kimi ni Todoke ( Reaching you ):

Sawako Kuronuma, called Sadako by her classmates for her resemblance to the character fromRing, has always been feared and misunderstood because of her appearance. There are rumors that Sawako can see ghosts and curse people. But when her idol, popular boy Kazehaya, begins talking with her, everything changes. She finds herself in a new world, trying to make friends and talking to different people and she can't thank Kazehaya enough for giving her these opportunities. Slowly, but surely, a sweet love is blossoming between the two as they will overtake any circumstance or clear obstacles in their way.

Key features? Shoujo story. Meaning it's targeted for girls. Why? Coz cute-popular-sweet-boy falls for not-so-popular-girl and saves her from the clutches of social discrimination. But as a girl I like it. Hehe.

2009-11-07T17:32:00.002+08:00

I love handsome suave con-mans turn police consultants. Therefore, needless to say, I love White Collar. Haha.

I want Skip Beat 2. Puhleaseeee TvTokyo?

It's been barely a week since school closed and I'm already really bored.

Not to mention I missed Yasmin Ahmad's Talentime while it was in cinemas.

Zzzzz.

Ohkay, nevermind.

Will post when I have something to say.

I'm still angry.

2009-11-06T18:51:00.003+08:00

To lighten the mood since my really weird post earlier on :

KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

I WANT MY SKIP BEAT SEASON 2~

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TVTOKYO!

2009-11-06T16:41:00.004+08:00

I am no masterpiece where innocence is painted green.
Isn't it strange to think that you created all of me?

Done by the hands of a broken artist.
You painted black where my naked heart is.
I finally know what wrong is.
Now I finally know what wrong is.
Carved like a stone with your hands still shaking.
On display through a soul still breaking.
Aren't you proud you're the one that made me?
Aren't you proud you're the one that made me?

" Adriana, you're a nice girl, but macam lembek ah. Like you always say anything, up to you."

Those were the words Huzaifah said to me.

I admit, I was totally taken aback.

I mean, I never thought someone would actually say that about me.

No one has, really. Said that I was weak. And soft.

Really got me thinking.

Halimah's mum said smth around the lines of that, too.

I have no idea how I got to this state.

Submissive.

I used to not give a shit about what people think of me.

I used to hang out with guys with piercings and who smoke.

Yesterday, I had loads of fun.

Until I got called up when I broke my curfew.

Started to cry again.

I'm such a crying machine now.

It's amazing, in a way.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just sick of being a good girl.

Just tired of having to behave around people.

Tired of being told that what others think of you is crucial.

Tired of being well-mannered.

Tired of keeping my opinions shut away.

Tired of appeasing everyone but myself.

---------

Anyway, yesterday was AWESOME.

Except for uh, certain parts. Haha.

Met up with Khai.

Went to get the food from imah's house.

We stood in the rain with half-exposed mee to flag a cab. xD

When we reached there, me = chaos.

I went around shouting "I LOVE YOU!" or "SARANGHAE!".

Hohoho.

MJ WAS ON TV, started dancing like a maniac.

Best part: TRUTH OR DARE!

Khai had to jump into the pool. End up more than once.

Ding Han got dared to ask the lifeguard why we cannot wear shirt into the pool!

Li got drenched coz she had to get showered, hahaha!
Some guy ask Pavi for her number.

For me, I busy playing FIFA 10, so I just pick truth. Haha.

Was raining, so we were bored.

Khai bbq starting skills suck. Haha!
Teachers came with sushi, yada yada.

Me, being the now coward that I am, refused to jump into the pool.

But I did. Huahuahua.

Couldn't climb out because my clothes absorbed SUPER ALOT of water.

Wet. Wet. Wet. Cold. Dried off in the room.

Showed the girls my choreo for B&G.

Had super huge amounts of fun.

Not to mention the same amount of leftover food.

Terpakse bawak balik.

Imah's mum sent me to interchange, took bus from there.

Went home.

Almost went to sleep.

Then, mum came in and said "Aku dah kate kan, kalau kakak taknak makan then you simpan the lauk."

I was like.. Wth? She duwan eat then she simpan luhhh.

I never say, just nvm, i go keep the lauk.

Then sleeptime.

Today my mum ask me go buy Daun Ketumba, which is coriander.

I purposely say I dno what that is.

Haha!

She just called me out and said " This is coriander. Smell. Next time you go buy for me. I have to go alllll the way go buy."

Ok, I know it's mean, but I'm feeling mean.

And tired.

And I want to go out also luh, then dunnid help.

My sisters do that.

Come home at 11+ and I have to simpan lauk.

Not to mention the other chores.

Dalah, pissed off man. Ok I'm done with my post. Haha!

Li's words really struck me.

I don't know what to do.

I know what's wrong and what's right.

But as always, I'm just weak right?
Can't make my stand clear.

I don't know okay.

I don't know.

2009-11-04T23:05:00.001+08:00

Hello, I'm sad.

I cried. 4 times today.

Khai's my witness.

I think it'll be more than 4 now.

I'm speechless, alright.

Speechless.

2009-11-03T14:59:00.004+08:00

(Ankle boots are awesome)

Woke up today with a splitting headache.

Vacuumed, coz mum is still sick and she wanted me to.

Skipped rehearsal coz NOBODY went, not to mention we won't be doing anything either.

Only Glen and Huzaifah were there.

Planning is tiring. I'm not gonna do the planning anymore! All I will do is choreograph.

And I can't choreograph without Zaf, because our styles are diff.

But now would be a good time coz i'm really pissed -.-

Which is = good hip hop

That's it okay.

You want this thing to work you get in place.

I'm pissed with you people cancelling all the time.

I'm sick and tired.

Sick and tired.

There's a limit to how long you want me to wait.

You have no idea how it feels.

I don't think I can do it anymore.

I hate being ignored.

I really hate it.

(Suddenly I'm afraid. You'll be watching me. I don't want to be there now. Mygod...)

Timing's everything so stop telling me you're taking your time

2009-11-01T16:54:00.008+08:00

Timing's everything so stop telling me

you're taking your time

Hello!

If you read my blog, you'd know that I'm dancing for Grad Night! Woohoo!

Excited, but very busy. ( yeah right, still can blog. haha)

Ms Junainah wants to see SOMETHING by thursday.

Problem 1 (Monday): Zaf can't bring laptop. East Zone Music camp, dance studio unavailable.

Problem 2 (Tuesday): Dance has dance from 2 to 4.

Problem 3 (Wednesday): Zaf has chalet.

Problem 3 (Thursday): I have chalet!

In the end we solved it with..... Tuesday morning. Gahh. Morning.

Holidays are for eyebags to disappear, not become more eminent.

Sheesh.

It's okay, it's okay, I'm still happy and jumping around in my room like an idiot.

I swear, if someone from the opp block were to see me, they'd be handicapped for the day laughing.

I'm sad and stressed but I have to be happy, no? Yes. Haha.

It's okay, I have faith in Zaf.

Haha.

2 months of holidays. boring much?

Not only boring, tiring.

I can guarantee you my mum will take advantage of this and make me do more chores.

I can imagine it right now :/

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to class chalet. (which i will NOT be staying overnight at, grr)

Daddy won't let me.

And I'm certain it's because I'm a little girl of 14. Haha.

I want to go watch Talentime, or Duck and Dive, anything :(

Or watch live performances!
Or watch those street performances!

You know, the one where they act as normal people doing abnormal stuff?!

I want I want I want :(

I don't know what to do.

At times like this when I'm really clueless, I don't rhyme.

I'm just waiting for you you you.

To do something before I get sick and tired.

I feel like I'm in the middle of the sea.

Land is so far away.

What do you do?

Continue swimming, or wait for help to arrive?

2009-10-30T16:32:00.003+08:00

YES YES YES YES!

Guess what? I'll be dancing again! This time for Grad Night!

Omg omg omg ! *squeals*

I won't be able to enjoy the hols tho.

I was telling myself, " You have a fever. This is going to be lots of work. Daily rehearsals. Aching muscles. Emotions. Stress. You sure?"

"Yes," I replied. "I would do that for every minute of the day."

Which I don't exactly mean, but you get my point.

Will be busy =/

edit : I feel like crying. I cried. I will cry.

I'm just so pissed with you.

I can't escape from you.

It's this cycle that goes on and on and on.

I feel unwell.

I feel like I don't wanna do this anymore and it hasn't even started.

Urghhhhhhhhh.

2009-10-25T14:56:00.003+08:00

(these guys are WHACK!)

I'd wanted to blog about my day, swimming with the girls. But when I read your blog, my emotions just started arousing.

I've been meaning to avoid this, but... Perhaps I should say it once and for all.

okay. * takes a deep breath*

When I think about it, I don't start to tear. I don't laugh. I feel sick in my stomach as i reminisce all the memories with you. Thinking, is that me? Is that really me? Behaving this way with you?

I won't say there weren't an good memories. There were just more "enjoyable" ones.

I remember thinking to myself at that point of time. Is this really love? I'm better than this. But still such a fool. I didn't like feeling this way anymore so I ended it. It was quite hard at first. You wanted me, but you didn't want to compromise the intimacy either.

You didn't get over me. I forgot about you for a while, but I couldn't treat you like a friend either.

Because my stomach churns at the thought of you. You remind me of the part of me that I wish to remain hidden.

I admit it was hard. We even planned our future together. You made me feel guilty all the time.

Then you went with someone else, but you broke her heart coz you weren't over me.

Is it my fault? That makes me sound like some sort of vixen. But it's not my fault. It's not it's not it's not! It's yours! You can moan all you want, but my memory can't be erased.

------------------------------

I hate it when people stare at me when I walk down the street.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I feel like they do.

I feel like they scrutinize me, all the time.

Anyway I just don't like it.

Sometimes I just feel like screaming STOP STARING AT ME YO.

I mean, what's your prob?

I'm not a supermodel.

I'm not a child artiste.

I'm not anybody.

2009-10-21T18:31:00.003+08:00

3/5 or 3/7?

Can I juggle A Maths?

Should I take Art?

I don't know I don't know I don't know, you know?

This sucks.

I'm kinda avoiding it, and writing songs and poems but ......

{I KNOW I'LL HAVE TO FACE IT BY MONDAY!}

My heart still beats faster everytime,

it's been two years now,

but I'm still hiding from the crime,

of falling for someone,

who can't be tied down,

free and flying,

never touching the ground.

2009-10-17T20:23:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm trying to grow up faster than I should.

My mum keeps bugging me, saying that I should wear "youngster" stuff.

That I should wear "cheery clothes", coz my face isn't quite so cheery.

I don't know why, but I feel like an old soul, you know.

I'm more into vintagey, like Audrey Hepburn.

When I was 9, and was playing Flyff, I told someone I was 16, and he fell for it.

I won't say anymore. Hahahaha.

Anyway, maybe watching Fame! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

2009-10-14T21:55:00.002+08:00

"Eager to please,
Trying to be what they need
But I'm so very tired
I've stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires"

There's nothing wrong with her being my friend.

What's the big deal?

Distinguish between the victim and the assaulter.

Why does the victim always get a bad reputation?

I'm real stuck here.

I'm trying to please everyone.

I'm trying to be polite.

I'm in an awkward position here.

Why do we always have to choose?

You say I shouldn't get involved, it'll affect me tremendously...

But if you just step back and see the picture,

you just hand-delivered me to the lion's den.

2009-10-13T20:03:00.004+08:00

Convo (was doing art prep)

Dad: What's tomorrow? Malay?

Me: Ya.

Dad: Then never revise?

Me: Got more important things to do.

Dad: What's more important than exams?

Me: Other exams.

You know one thing I hate the most?
When people try to compare beauty.
When they try to compete to see who's art is better.
Personally I think that's super lame.
It's like looking at a blond French woman and an exotic Arab.
They're different, but none's better than the other.

Anyway. Lit today. Kinda stupid. Only liked the poem.
I remembered the word I was supposed to replace 'vulnerable' with in English Compre.
Susceptible.

Why oh why must I only remember it now?!!! Sheesh.

My mum won't let me buy Sims 3. She says waste of money. It's okay. Me and my sis will hold out till she gets her bursary Muahahahhaaha.

Undone art prep. Had a layout planned but it has nothing to do with Nature Reserve.

Maybe I can do something about conserving nature, not necessarily having to do a picture OF a nature reserve... Ahha.....

2009-09-30T22:22:00.000+08:00

I will join SYF. Watch me.

Hello, I haven't been here lately.
Guess today was a bad day to post.
Something happened.
Duh, I always post when something happens.
It's not important, I'm okay. I'm always okay.
Anyway, home ec practical tomorrow (wonderful, not...)
my art is undone (even more wonderful..... and i want to take art next year -.-)

Haven't much to say. I'll be back when I do.

I can't make the jump at 6:00. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Today my mind marvelled at an array of things.

2009-09-14T21:19:00.001+08:00

Well, my birthday was ok. Nothing big, nothing special. Everyone was busy. So I ended up making kuih with my mum. Yeah.
My sis got me Mirror's Edge on PS3 for my birthday ( HAPPY!)
In case you're not an avid gamer, or even if you are one, and you've never heard of this game...

Anyway, i'm proud of my marks, so imma post them! Muahahhaha!

English A1

Malay C5
Math C6
Science B3
Geog A1
Lit A2
Art A1
Home Ec A1

Not bad lah, except dude, who gets C5 for Malay... oh wells.
Life's been ok, I guess. Raya's coming soon.

2009-08-31T22:38:00.000+08:00

HUZAIFAH USED MY EYELINER OMYGOSH.

Today was really fun actually. Teacher's Day 09 rocked :D

honestly, it was better than national day lol.

we were all really nervous actually.

i was so scared to turn when the curtains opened.

but zaf was giving the cue and it gave me confidence.

huz said he could see me while performing lol.

I saw a few faces. Jolina was laughing(she's so cute). Samuel was giving a bored face. But I don't care. I had fun and people clapped. (:

yay!

Anyway,

really, today was a success (:

but i think everyone clapped for zaf the loudest.

i bumped into ziq and laughed. alot. haha.

i gave Mr Alex his card and cake!

he so cute he was like " oh? thank you!"

i got over the whole no duet thing already. i think.

i suppose i'm just more fit to dance.

i love to dance.

i love how i don't need to say anything and the message gets across.

i love how i convey my feelings through body language.

i love to feel the beat and merge with it.

i love how i can feel it in my blood and it makes me smile.

but nonetheless, since mrs sheri said we can sing during grad night, i don't see why not.

i think it's really fun to try different arts.

i don't know why but I feel it my goal to do so.

I feel that my goal is to be adapt at every single art form.

Day by day that is all I think about, and I really don't feel like studying.

But I know my parents would prefer a more stable income kind of job.

You know, 4 walls, overtime, "I need this done by today" whilst giving you 10 files kind of suckish job.

I realized that everybody doesn't want that kind of job.

( unless you are kind of ocd, which i am actually, but nvm!)

It's just that some end up giving in to the rationale of stable income.

I don't think my parents know that I love the arts alot.

After every performance, they don't say anything.

They don't even ask, how was your performance today?

It's really kinda sad actually.

I suppose it's my fault too that I never mentioned that I do have a passion for it.

But.....

What difference does it make if I do?

They probably wouldn't want to know either way.

I don't know right now.

I hope I'm strong willed.

2009-08-21T23:51:00.001+08:00

SOMEBODY STILL OWES ME APOLOGY FOR THE BLOODY WATER BOMB.

I'm waiting. And I will wait till I get it.

was supposed to call glen and zafrul but i fell asleep and woke up at 10.30 to have my dinner.
so nvm, maybe they get it that i'm too tired to go to school again tomorrow.
seriously, my saturdays for the past 3 weeks have been sacrificed.
now i'm suffering from gastric for like, eating my lunch/dinner at 10.30.
today's practice was horrible.
everybody was like, so uncooperative much.
zafrul was giving kinda hurtful remarks and having muscle cramps( this one okay lah. understand)
and huzaifah was like, "you know the steps already still dance for what?"
that was the breaking point already, i tell you.

I'M TRYING TO DO THE BLOODY FORMATION THAT PEOPLE ARE ASKING FOR TYVM!

and glen was all like sleepy.
and megan was sitting down with her bf.
priya was busy sending song.
and i was busy screaming my head off.
best part? everybody looked at me for one second and then continued doing what they were doing.
wonderful. absolutely wonderful.
at times like this i get so mad that i'm in charge of the item. ._.

i'm tired, i'm seriously tired.
(modern) dance just now was okay.
ms ivy came in when glen and huzaifah were about to go.
then mdm rozila and ms ivy talked to me about the TD's dance,
and ms ivy praise me WEEHEEEEE!
hahaha! i'm such a suckup lol.
but it really makes me happy that she said i'm doing a good job and i'm working hard :D
her face was like wth, when i told her i have practice practically everyday.
makes me feel appreciated. funny, i get appreciated by people who don't even do the dance. nvm.

happy happy, my split getting better and ms ivy said "getting better ah? you practice at home is it?"
it just makes me beam, lol.

tomorrow fasting starts, and i'm not so certain that i can last, haha. esp with this thing going on. and i want dance :(
so sad i can't dance when fasting.
okay i'm extremely tired and feel like vomiting.
goodnight.

2009-08-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

Hello people I'm dead tired after rehearsal today. Not to mention I have to teach the gals tomorrow during my recess. Oh gosh. I stood all the way in the bus with my 5kg+ bag. Sad no? Well. That's life.
Now my back, feet and head hurts.

Wish me luck peeps. Might be sitting out dance tomorrow. Too tired.

2009-08-06T17:52:00.002+08:00

Great. Yellow form had to ruin my day. Thanks a lot.
I'm in a foul mood and I think I'm writing a complain/"suggestion" letter.

2009-08-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

I feel like I'm going to burst. Im trying to do my art but i cant. everything smudges together and it sucks!
I'm so stressed over the dance. I can't think of a song, I can't think of what kind of style we're going to do, I'm running out of time, and NOW I CANT DO MY ART BECAUSE I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!!!!!

IT'S LIKE MAKING ME WRITE WHEN I'M FEELING UTTERLY FOUL!!!!!!!! haiz...
I can't write when i'm pissed/ stressed.
I can't paint when i'm pissed/ stressed.
I can't dance when i'm pissed/ stressed.
I can't think when i'm pissed/ stressed.
I can't do anything when i'm pissed/ stressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm so... cornered. :(

2009-07-31T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm just tired. So so tired today. Maybe I'll post soon. Maybe. I don't have much to write about, you see. Maybe I'll share a poem. Yeah.

Anyway, I drank two cups of tea and I'm still sleepy.

You're just like the wind,

a summer breeze.

You linger in my ears,

long after time has passed.

Wherever you go,

I go too.

Whenever you blow,

I breathe you.

I can feel the tingling on my skin,

but yet,

I can never touch you.

You slip through my arms,

like unpaid silk.

2009-07-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

Hey, you know. I actually wanted to join TalentQuest, but I was pretty much scared to do a solo? Haha. So anyway, here's a glimpse of what I had wanted to do. Something pretty much like that.